Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating? - Page 3 - Antsmarching.org Forums

Go Back   Antsmarching.org Forums > General Discussion > nDMBc Discussion


Want to hide all ads on Ants? Click here
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-19-2009, 04:27 PM   #61
TheTallOne
 
TheTallOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Shawmut
Posts: 9,025

Shows Seen: 8

Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Socks View Post
that is hardly a pun
Pun

1. the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications, or the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning; a play on words.
TheTallOne is offline   Reply With Quote

  • Want to hide all ads on Ants? Click here
  • Old 08-19-2009, 04:33 PM   #62
    SmoothRider[PL]
    MM#14 A tortured soul
     
    SmoothRider[PL]'s Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2006
    Location: Poland
    Posts: 12,702

    Shows Seen: 14

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    I've heard a story about the guy who was watching the porn on the web, with a headphones on. He closed his eyes and suddenly someone tapped his. He opened his eyes and it was his mother, who said: "The dinner is ready, come by when you finish"
    __________________
    1961-2008
    SmoothRider[PL] is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 04:36 PM   #63
    dsmith45
    MM #56
     
    Join Date: Jun 2008
    Location: City of Denver
    Posts: 6,695

    Shows Seen: 36

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SmoothRider[PL] View Post
    I've heard a story about the guy who was watching the porn on the web, with a headphones on. He closed his eyes and suddenly someone tapped his. He opened his eyes and it was his mother, who said: "The dinner is ready, come by when you finish"
    fucking europeans
    __________________
    sweet up & down
    dsmith45 is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 04:36 PM   #64
    Jake
     
    Jake's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2002
    Location: Sunny F-L-A
    Posts: 59,163

    Shows Seen: 61

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Another one. Back in college, friend of a friend caught his roommate masterbating in his room to porn.

    he returned home from class to hear porn from his roommates room. so he sneaked next door, grabbed the two guys that lived there, and their friends visiting, snuck back in the apt, and they all barreled into the porn room to find the guy laying there spanking away to fat chick porn.

    the guy lept up and ran, cock in hand, to the bathroom.


    they had a nickname for him, but I don't remember what it was. Tubby, Tiny, tosser, something like that.
    Jake is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 04:40 PM   #65
    FreddieFreeload
     
    Join Date: Dec 2008
    Posts: 357

    Shows Seen: 1

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SmoothRider[PL] View Post
    I've heard a story about the guy who was watching the porn on the web, with a headphones on. He closed his eyes and suddenly someone tapped his. He opened his eyes and it was his mother, who said: "The dinner is ready, come by when you finish"
    seriously, if i was ever caught whackin it, my parents would kill me. or kick me out of the house.
    FreddieFreeload is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 04:40 PM   #66
    SmoothRider[PL]
    MM#14 A tortured soul
     
    SmoothRider[PL]'s Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2006
    Location: Poland
    Posts: 12,702

    Shows Seen: 14

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Another story, but I think it's rather a joke:

    Guy is watching porn on TV and jerking off, then - his mother is coming to the room withouth knocking, he is changing the channel. "Son? What are you doing?! Are you masturbating?". He knows he cannot lie, so he admits that, he looks at the TV and what? - presidential inauguration retransmission
    __________________
    1961-2008
    SmoothRider[PL] is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 04:49 PM   #67
    Socks
    Nifty
     
    Socks's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Apr 2005
    Posts: 4,154

    Shows Seen: 2

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TheTallOne View Post
    Pun

    1. the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications, or the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning; a play on words.
    oh thanks
    __________________
    The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!

    last.fm
    Socks is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 04:52 PM   #68
    cpxc.
     
    cpxc.'s Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2006
    Location: Haverford, PA
    Posts: 78,319

    Shows Seen: 107

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    When I was a freshman in college I caught my roommate masturbating. He was a loner his whole life and I'm pretty sure he was a virgin, well anyway we were at a party together and since he didn't like trying to hook up with girls told me he wasn't feeling well and was heading back to the dorm. I left about an hour later to him being wasted wacking it, he asked me if he would give him 5 more minutes haha
    __________________
    Craig // untappd
    cpxc. is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 04:53 PM   #69
    Socks
    Nifty
     
    Socks's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Apr 2005
    Posts: 4,154

    Shows Seen: 2

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    I have one that my two of my friends told me about. They went to a friend's house uninvited, opened his door and caught him jerking off at his computer. He quickly closed out of the window he was looking at but apparently they had time to see it was a site featuring large black women.
    __________________
    The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!

    last.fm
    Socks is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 04:54 PM   #70
    Jake
     
    Jake's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2002
    Location: Sunny F-L-A
    Posts: 59,163

    Shows Seen: 61

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    I knew a guy I worked with that caught two girls going at it in a high school bathroom. Goth like girl going down on a cheerleader, but I guess that's for the 'things you've seen that could be in porn' thread.
    Jake is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 04:55 PM   #71
    Fruvous
    Attorney at Law
     
    Fruvous's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Apr 2002
    Location: Buffalo, NY
    Posts: 2,480

    Shows Seen: 6

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jake View Post
    Get caught spanking it?
    you, dmbigeyedphish.
    LOL U mad?
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jake View Post
    Call it what you like
    dmbigeyephish spanks;
    just like a monkey
    Sorry to say, Jake
    You miscounted syllables
    Second lines are wrong.
    __________________
    Joe
    ________________________

    Quote:
    Originally posted by Tenorion78
    So, from Buffalo to you, we apologize. Happy Holidays. Thanks, case closed.
    Fruvous is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 05:00 PM   #72
    sean52692
     
    sean52692's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2008
    Location: Illinoyed
    Posts: 60,445

    Shows Seen: 0

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    This is an enjoyable thread. I know theres some Davespeak featuring this topic.

    something like, "i love masturbation, helps me chill right the fuck out"
    __________________
    Currently listening to:
    7/2/04, Saratoga Performing Arts Center, Saratoga Springs, NY
    sean52692 is online now   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 05:13 PM   #73
    lotas
    would u not like 2 be?
     
    lotas's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2008
    Location: Indiana
    Posts: 4,879

    Shows Seen: 11

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    ^ it's closer to "I know an old remedy, it's called whacking it, will chill you the fuck out"
    __________________
    "For long you live, and high you fly. Smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry. All you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be."
    lotas is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 05:16 PM   #74
    PhishSticks40
    Sharpen them with lies.
     
    PhishSticks40's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2007
    Location: Umass
    Posts: 8,273

    Shows Seen: 9

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Never been caught.

    On a sidenote though, does anyone ever feel the slightest bit weird when you are cranking your meat and the cat is sitting on the couch across the room watching you?
    __________________
    -Nick
    "Hysterical and useless..."

    PhishSticks40 is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 05:34 PM   #75
    DavefaninNZ
     
    DavefaninNZ's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Apr 2006
    Location: Colorado
    Posts: 4,777

    Shows Seen: 0

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jake View Post
    I'm on a masterbation memory lane.... must've been the haiku's.


    I remember someone I knew, don't remember who or where, that caught her great-grandmother masterbating on the occasion of her 102nd birthday.

    the family heard moaning and thought she had fallen, went upstairs to investigate and found her on her bed, legs in the air and hands deep inside a crotch that saw action in the Harding admininstration.
    This was unnecessary.
    __________________
    Andrew
    DavefaninNZ is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 05:35 PM   #76
    crashintome202
     
    crashintome202's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: CT
    Posts: 15,170

    Shows Seen: 9

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by PhishSticks40 View Post
    Never been caught.

    On a sidenote though, does anyone ever feel the slightest bit weird when you are cranking your meat and the cat is sitting on the couch across the room watching you?
    yea that freaks me the fuck out
    __________________
    Quote:
    At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost
    crashintome202 is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 05:42 PM   #77
    JTRocks
     
    JTRocks's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2007
    Posts: 2,945

    Shows Seen: 18

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    i caught my roomate in the dorms freshman year. it was wierd because i signed up for a random and they put me up with this kid who was a junior and still lived in the dorms. he was pretty wierd and needless to say, we never really clicked as roommates. i remember i said i was going to the dining hall, then i realized i forgot my id as i was walking out of the building. so i went back up to my room, and i was kinda half expecting it half bracing myself for it to possibly happen. sure enough, i walk in, and there he is going to town in front of his sweet mac desktop, he shuts off the monitor immediately. i remember he freaked out and like picked up the phone like he was looking at our phone (which we never used). it was wierd, then one night not long after that, i was sleeping in bed (we had the raised up lofted beds) and when i woke up i looked down and i see him surfing porn websites with pictures of girls getting tied up and all this wierd shit. luckily, at this point it was like march and i knew i could make the home stretch to the end of the semester being his roommate
    JTRocks is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 05:57 PM   #78
    Shotgun27
     
    Join Date: Aug 2007
    Posts: 327

    Shows Seen: 1

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    why is it that mostly people have only posted stories about either walking in on someone or "almost getting caught". hmm?
    Shotgun27 is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 06:24 PM   #79
    Jake
     
    Jake's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2002
    Location: Sunny F-L-A
    Posts: 59,163

    Shows Seen: 61

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Shotgun27 View Post
    why is it that mostly people have only posted stories about either walking in on someone or "almost getting caught". hmm?
    Ants are stealthy, their friends arn't
    Jake is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 06:28 PM   #80
    Rodey
    #FearTheDeer
     
    Rodey's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2005
    Posts: 77,531

    Shows Seen: 16

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Kid I went to high school with got caught jerking off during his break at Burger King.
    __________________
    Jordan
    "I'll tell you what: I'm never eating at Benihana again. I don't care whose birthday it is."
    Rodey is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 06:48 PM   #81
    BustedStuff87
     
    BustedStuff87's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2007
    Location: Over Yonder
    Posts: 1,796

    Shows Seen: 19

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Real question is has anyone ever been caught whacking off while on Ants?
    __________________
    We got no Food! We got no Jobs! OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!

    BustedStuff87 is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 06:55 PM   #82
    dmbigeyedphish
    feels good man
     
    dmbigeyedphish's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: Raleigh, NC
    Posts: 14,728

    Shows Seen: 0

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rodey View Post
    Kid I went to high school with got caught jerking off during his break at Burger King.

    to which he quickly responded, "JUST ADDING THE SPECIAL SAUCE SIR!"
    __________________
    F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5
    dmbigeyedphish is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 07:07 PM   #83
    SoRight24
    Finally
     
    SoRight24's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2006
    Location: Chapel Hill
    Posts: 14,766

    Shows Seen: 0

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jake View Post
    I'm on a masterbation memory lane.... must've been the haiku's.


    I remember someone I knew, don't remember who or where, that caught her great-grandmother masterbating on the occasion of her 102nd birthday.

    the family heard moaning and thought she had fallen, went upstairs to investigate and found her on her bed, legs in the air and hands deep inside a crotch that saw action in the Harding admininstration.
    My day got gradually worse as I made my way through this post.
    __________________
    Trav
    SoRight24 is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 09:30 PM   #84
    Azwethinkweist
    ONE MORE COUCH!
     
    Azwethinkweist's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Dec 2007
    Posts: 442

    Shows Seen: 33

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    This all reminds me of the great Stephen Lynch song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1QAsPLNDVc
    __________________
    6/2/06, 7/1/06, 7/2/06, 7/8/07, 6/6/08, 7/5/08, 8/9/08, 8/10/08, 7/18/09, 7/19/09, 7/31/09, 8/1/09, 9/26/09, 6/18/10, 6/19/10, 7/3/10, 7/4/10, 9/15/10, 9/16/10, 7/8/11, 7/9/11, 7/10/11, 6/22/12, 6/23/12, 12/5/12, 7/5/13, 7/6/13
    Azwethinkweist is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 10:27 PM   #85
    jackbauer0041
    True Christian™
     
    jackbauer0041's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2008
    Location: Des Moines, IA
    Posts: 903

    Shows Seen: 8

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    A girl at my high school years back masturbated with a hot dog at school and it got snapped in half inside her.

    She went to the nurse and had to go to the hospital to get it taken out.
    __________________


    You know Michael, if I may take off my acting pants and pull my analrapist stocking over my head...
    jackbauer0041 is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 10:34 PM   #86
    atrippingbillie
    gardt
     
    atrippingbillie's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2008
    Location: Austin
    Posts: 3,074

    Shows Seen: 5

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jackbauer0041 View Post
    A girl at my high school years back masturbated with a hot dog at school and it got snapped in half inside her.

    She went to the nurse and had to go to the hospital to get it taken out.
    This reminds me, my friend was eating his girlfriend out, and they decided it would be a good idea to put a starbursts in her pussy so he could eat it out, he claims he got it but a week later she went to the doctors with stomach pains and x-rays showed a starburts in her vagina...
    __________________
    Not gonna put to much thought into this
    atrippingbillie is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 10:49 PM   #87
    The Mango
    Men are Scared of Me
     
    Join Date: Mar 2009
    Posts: 973

    Shows Seen: 0

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by atrippingbillie View Post
    This reminds me, my friend was eating his girlfriend out, and they decided it would be a good idea to put a starbursts in her pussy so he could eat it out, he claims he got it but a week later she went to the doctors with stomach pains and x-rays showed a starburts in her vagina...
    i'm pretty sure that an x-ray can't see starbursts in a vagina.
    The Mango is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 10:55 PM   #88
    mcwyffe
    MattsMarching #006
     
    mcwyffe's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2007
    Posts: 17,648

    Shows Seen: 39

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by The Mango View Post
    i'm pretty sure that an x-ray can't see starbursts in a vagina.
    what the fuck do you know?
    __________________
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cubsfan View Post
    Thanks for contributing though jackass.
    mcwyffe is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 10:57 PM   #89
    NextMovement41
    BBQ BEER FREEDOM
     
    NextMovement41's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2008
    Posts: 18,423

    Shows Seen: 5

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jake View Post
    I'm on a masterbation memory lane.... must've been the haiku's.


    I remember someone I knew, don't remember who or where, that caught her great-grandmother masterbating on the occasion of her 102nd birthday.

    the family heard moaning and thought she had fallen, went upstairs to investigate and found her on her bed, legs in the air and hands deep inside a crotch that saw action in the Harding admininstration.


    I am going to have nightmares tonight.
    __________________
    Boy, Man, God, Shit
    NextMovement41 is offline   Reply With Quote
    Old 08-19-2009, 10:58 PM   #90
    atrippingbillie
    gardt
     
    atrippingbillie's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2008
    Location: Austin
    Posts: 3,074

    Shows Seen: 5

    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by The Mango View Post
    i'm pretty sure that an x-ray can't see starbursts in a vagina.
    Well i'm not sure if it was an actual x-ray that found it but believe me, they did, and that girl is now the biggest joke at my school
    __________________
    Not gonna put to much thought into this
    atrippingbillie is offline   Reply With Quote
    Reply

    Thread Tools
    Display Modes

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off

    Forum Jump


    Want to hide all ads on Ants? Click here

    All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:30 PM.


    Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.6
    Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.


       
    Site LinksAbout AntsAnts MobileTweet Tweet
    Home
    Ants+
    Tour Central
    Search bar
    RSS Feeds
    About Us
    Contact Us
    The Ants Blog
    Advertise on Ants
    Privacy Policy
    Ants on your cell phone
    iAnts
    mobile news
    mobile setlists
    antslive!
    Ants' Twitter
    DMBLive Twitter
    Ants Facebook
    Ants Instagram