Dating is miserable

[pathetic]

thanks man

[tyler3440]

Thank goodness the college chicks are back in town for the summer.

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by gonz085

I have no idea how this is going to sound, but here goes:

To start by paraphrasing a Bill Burr bit, men are programmed to want to sleep with 80% of women. I have higher standards than most of my friends, but honestly as long as who I'm seeing has a desire to workout and take care of themselves then I'm good because it's a value that I espouse and I want to make sure it's reciprocal.

In terms of the "not my type", what I tend to think this means is comparative attractiveness. A guy who says "she's not my type" or isn't 100% all in on some woman I think tends to mean that they are not as attractive as the guy is himself (this could be objectively true or not, but everyone kind of tends to know where they stand). So he would be "dating down" so to speak (I know how this sounds, I promise I'm not being a dick, just trying to frame the point). However, I bet that same guy would definitely sleep with her if the opportunity came about.

So I guess the point is this, looks are going to fade so as long as you can find some physically attractive qualities about your partner, then you're good. The values they have, how they treat you, the time you spend together all trumps a hotness factor. Truth be told, most insanely attractive women I've met/had the chance to date are so detached from reality it's nowhere near what I'd desire in a long term partner.

I'd also say, most guys I know who are in the boat of they dated someone who they weren't the most attracted to at first have tended to be the happiest for the very reasons I stated above.

Could be wrong, just my thoughts.

The “not my type” girl is usually one that you can see why some would be attracted to her, but theirs something about her that’s not makes he not all that attractive to you. Makes sense?

[AllifromOhio]

Originally Posted by cry_minarets458

congrats; hope ya got a good deal

Thanks! Yeah, it was a good deal but the neighborhood is, "up and coming."

Originally Posted by pathetic

congrats! all moved in yet?

Yep, it took a while and some stuff is still in boxes. We seem to always do projects to make it more of our own on the weekends. I've been to Home Depot more times in the past 3 months than I have in my life.

Originally Posted by sbuzzz

With your seemingly charming personality I cannot understand why more women aren’t flocking to you.

Love the fat chick debate.

[spoot388]

my roommate told me he thinks this girl he knows would be a good match for me. i met her once, briefly, several months ago. really cute, have a few things in common, so okay sure lets see if something can come of it. so he texts her to see if she'd be interested in talking to me. she said she would, great! and the catch, because there's always a catch, she's in houston and won't be back in denver until august. what the fuck. why can't anything just go smoothly for me?

Originally Posted by tyler3440

The “not my type” girl is usually one that you can see why some would be attracted to her, but theirs something about her that’s not makes he not all that attractive to you. Makes sense?

definitely this. i work with a girl who is super cute, but she's got a ton of piercings and tattoos, and is into video games and anime. not my style, but if i was a into that stuff, hell ya i'd be into her. but being that i'm not, trying to date her would just be forced and ultimately wouldn't go far, so whats the point in wasting time?

[redsox14]

TS-- how you holding up? Doing better after a month or two?

[ToySoldier#34]

Originally Posted by redsox14

TS-- how you holding up? Doing better after a month or two?

Hey there, everything outside of dating is going pretty well. I'm really focused on getting ready for a gig in a couple weeks which is a charity event for a friend who passed a couple years ago, playing a lot of golf, main job is going well and I like the company and people a lot. Those three things are also a positive distraction.

The relationship / dating part of life is really tough and I get really upset about it, I think the hardest part is it being a combination of knowing what I want in a perfect world scenario and feeling like I can't share that with any friends or family, more with family than friends though. I feel like I miss my best friend and think about the whole thing nonstop and have to keep anything like that to myself, did try going on one date and it was just going through the motions.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by gonz085

I have no idea how this is going to sound, but here goes:



To start by paraphrasing a Bill Burr bit, men are programmed to want to sleep with 80% of women. I have higher standards than most of my friends, but honestly as long as who I'm seeing has a desire to workout and take care of themselves then I'm good because it's a value that I espouse and I want to make sure it's reciprocal.



In terms of the "not my type", what I tend to think this means is comparative attractiveness. A guy who says "she's not my type" or isn't 100% all in on some woman I think tends to mean that they are not as attractive as the guy is himself (this could be objectively true or not, but everyone kind of tends to know where they stand). So he would be "dating down" so to speak (I know how this sounds, I promise I'm not being a dick, just trying to frame the point). However, I bet that same guy would definitely sleep with her if the opportunity came about.



So I guess the point is this, looks are going to fade so as long as you can find some physically attractive qualities about your partner, then you're good. The values they have, how they treat you, the time you spend together all trumps a hotness factor. Truth be told, most insanely attractive women I've met/had the chance to date are so detached from reality it's nowhere near what I'd desire in a long term partner.



I'd also say, most guys I know who are in the boat of they dated someone who they weren't the most attracted to at first have tended to be the happiest for the very reasons I stated above.



Could be wrong, just my thoughts.

No one should ever date someone they're not attracted to. However, if someone is trying to base a relationship centered around looks, it's never going to turn out well.

If a woman makes you happy and you enjoy being around her, but she doesn't check off every single box in the attractiveness category and that's a reason not to date her, I'd circle back around to Steve's post from earlier and say that said person is not ready for a mature relationship.

[jcc522]

There are plenty of things my gf does that I’m not attracted to.

[TrampledUnderw.]

i have the biggest crush on the person ive been going on dates w for the last few weeks. havent had a "crush" since maybe freshmen year of college (25 now). its an exciting but distracting feeling. hope it works out

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by TrampledUnderw.

i have the biggest crush on the person ive been going on dates w for the last few weeks. havent had a "crush" since maybe freshmen year of college (25 now). its an exciting but distracting feeling. hope it works out

Did it work out?

[tyler3440]

anybody else struggle with starting a conversation on tinder? I’m OK at it in real life at a bar or concert or whatever but somehow I really struggle online and overthink.

[fridge112887]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

anybody else struggle with starting a conversation on tinder? I’m OK at it in real life at a bar or concert or whatever but somehow I really struggle online and overthink.

Don't do this. I know it's easy to, but don't. If you have no issues approaching them in public, do the same thing but on your phone (that is unless you're striking out in-person). Be your natural self. What is it that you "overthink" about?

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

Don't do this. I know it's easy to, but don't. If you have no issues approaching them in public, do the same thing but on your phone (that is unless you're striking out in-person). Be your natural self. What is it that you "overthink" about?

I’m not going to m great at approaching girls in public lol. I’ll say if I actually try, I’ll at least be able to hold a conversation for a bit, and maybe pull a number if I’m lucky lol.

[M. Steng]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

anybody else struggle with starting a conversation on tinder? I’m OK at it in real life at a bar or concert or whatever but somehow I really struggle online and overthink.

“Hi, I think you’re really pretty and would love to take you out for coffee sometime.”

[jcc522]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

anybody else struggle with starting a conversation on tinder? I’m OK at it in real life at a bar or concert or whatever but somehow I really struggle online and overthink.

Don’t use tinder, would be my advice. Bumble and Hinge are better

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by M. Steng

“Hi, I think you’re really pretty and would love to take you out for coffee sometime.”

Does that usually work? I always feel like girls want to get to know you before a date.

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by jcc522

Don’t use tinder, would be my advice. Bumble and Hinge are better

I use bumble too. Have a tough time getting matches on that tho.

[fridge112887]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

Does that usually work? I always feel like girls want to get to know you before a date.

You might be surprised. I've never tried it myself but if roles were reversed and a random pretty girl proposed the question to me I'd likely take her up on the offer. What's the worst that can happen - she says no and you never see her again?

[spoot388]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

I use bumble too. Have a tough time getting matches on that tho.

same. matches always seem to be low quality, and the few times there is someone who seems good, they never respond even if they initiated a conversation (like on bumble). conversations seem impossible on apps.

[spoot388]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

You might be surprised. I've never tried it myself but if roles were reversed and a random pretty girl proposed the question to me I'd likely take her up on the offer. What's the worst that can happen - she says no and you never see her again?

thats because pretty girls never ask guys that, so if one happened to actually do it, of course we'd say yes because its probably never going to happen again. girls have dozens of guys messaging them every day asking them out or for their number. unless they think you're a really good match, they probably won't agree to it right off the bat, if they even bother responding at all.

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

You might be surprised. I've never tried it myself but if roles were reversed and a random pretty girl proposed the question to me I'd likely take her up on the offer. What's the worst that can happen - she says no and you never see her again?

I have done this a few times and they have agreed to the date but it never actually happened.

I recently matched with a what I would consider close to a 10 on tinder. Actually matched with her before at one point. Asked her a simple question like “favorite place to go on vacation” and I never got a response. I’m just going to go for all the marbles and ask her to coffee. I mean normally I wouldn’t, but she’s really hot.... so one more message getting to the straight to the point can’t really hurt right? Yeah, it maybe a bit desperate but fuck it...

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by spoot388

thats because pretty girls never ask guys that, so if one happened to actually do it, of course we'd say yes because its probably never going to happen again. girls have dozens of guys messaging them every day asking them out or for their number. unless they think you're a really good match, they probably won't agree to it right off the bat, if they even bother responding at all.

Oh fuck yeah to this. Wished this happened like ever.

[cry_minarets458]

I was asked out on a date next Saturday. Was also asked a few weeks ago to cut a run short to meet for coffee.

Point being, if you want to make a move and initiate a coffee or drink, go for it. If you want to just talk, talk as if they’re an old buddy. I’ve gotten best responses just being witty and familiar. In those two instances above, the women pulled my #cuttothechase coffee/drinks question.

Possibly Bc I referred to my beard as a great seat cushion

[Climb2safety]

Saw this online and thought it was a great thing to remind people while dating.

From my experience, girls really are looking for kind, happy guys, that try to spread the love.

I volunteer running a cancer group for men, and at my church, and these are things a lot of women that contact me mention.

[fridge112887]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

Oh fuck yeah to this. Wished this happened like ever.

It does happen, albeit less likely. Don't let spoot fool you.

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

Saw this online and thought it was a great thing to remind people while dating.

From my experience, girls really are looking for kind, happy guys, that try to spread the love.

I volunteer running a cancer group for men, and at my church, and these are things a lot of women that contact me mention.

Taking care of your health/body and maintaining a positive attitude goes a long way.

[cry_minarets458]

How's it going, everyone?

[Climb2safety]

Oh I’ll share. I haven’t been ready to yet but my engagement ended in April, she was a really bad person.

It was hard for a few months as I had so much to process but the summer has been great so far, doing a ton with my kids, 5 panic shows, dead and co, telluride, fishing camping.

I’ve been doing surprisingly good on bumble and POF, at least a steady stream of dates. But all have been one and dones as I wasn’t interested in a second. I even passed on first date sex (so glad I did). Except one where we had two. Second date was at her pool which was a little interesting. Mostly naked second date, my dad bod in full display...I killed it though with music and a cooler full of beer and mikes and Whole Foods.

Turn to yesterday and I had my favorite first date ever. Art museum then local bar for food, drinks, and a little pool. We have a ton in common, she’s super nice and cool, and probably the most beautiful girl I’ve kissed since Kathleen Stealy when I was 16. And she seems to dig me too. So I’m excited.

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

Oh I’ll share. I haven’t been ready to yet but my engagement ended in April, she was a really bad person.

It was hard for a few months as I had so much to process but the summer has been great so far, doing a ton with my kids, 5 panic shows, dead and co, telluride, fishing camping.

I’ve been doing surprisingly good on bumble and POF, at least a steady stream of dates. But all have been one and dones as I wasn’t interested in a second. I even passed on first date sex (so glad I did). Except one where we had two. Second date was at her pool which was a little interesting. Mostly naked second date, my dad bod in full display...I killed it though with music and a cooler full of beer and mikes and Whole Foods.

Turn to yesterday and I had my favorite first date ever. Art museum then local bar for food, drinks, and a little pool. We have a ton in common, she’s super nice and cool, and probably the most beautiful girl I’ve kissed since Kathleen Stealy when I was 16. And she seems to dig me too. So I’m excited.

Sorry to hear about the engagement not working out, but glad to hear you are moving along pretty well. Sounds like you are having a great time. When’s the second date with this last chick?

Also telluride is the best. Almost magical.

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

Sorry to hear about the engagement not working out, but glad to hear you are moving along pretty well. Sounds like you are having a great time. When’s the second date with this last chick?

Also telluride is the best. Almost magical.

Sometime this week we’ll do a Happy Hour is the plan. My mom is visiting so I’m a little limited until next week.

My life is about to change when my oldest goes to school in the fall, I’ll be kidless 50% of the time for the first time in 21 years.