Dating is miserable

[smudge1]

Congrats Toyota Dog Kid.

[Speilmen230]

Originally Posted by SmoothG

Congrats jk.

Recently, I downloaded tinder, which I do about once a year. It's fun for a day or two to swipe. But, God I hate online dating. Sometimes I think about dating, but it seems exhausting.

Also, that was a brutal series of posts. And dead sober, middle of the day posts.

Bumble > Tinder

[jcc522]

Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34

Wow big congrats Toyotaboy that's great!

Originally Posted by prdstmnky36

Damn! Congrats dude!

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Congrats, Jesse!

Originally Posted by neumdogg

Congrats! Dating is not always miserable!

Originally Posted by Tiduwho

Congrats Hot Dog Kid!

Originally Posted by SmoothG

Congrats jk.

Recently, I downloaded tinder, which I do about once a year. It's fun for a day or two to swipe. But, God I hate online dating. Sometimes I think about dating, but it seems exhausting.

Also, that was a brutal series of posts. And dead sober, middle of the day posts.

Originally Posted by smudge1

Congrats Toyota Dog Kid.

Thanks everyone!

Originally Posted by DMBstandUP1984

Wieners for everyone!

Congrats

there will be hot dogs at the reception

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Bumble > Tinder

depending on the end goal...

[Speilmen230]

Second date coming up Thursday with one that has some promise. She's smart, cute, knows what she wants, and is taking it slow. Tons of green flags.

There's another one that we're figuring out a official "second date" even though it would be the third time we hung out. Second time was at a concert we were both attending but not together. This one the attraction is more physical than any sort of emotional connection. She's tall cute and funny though. Reminds me of Marissa Tomei, but a little more dorky.

Trying to figure out when it would be appropriate to cut it off with lady #2 if the second date with lady #1 goes well.

After the initial hurdles, it's nice to be back out there. Fine tuning the profile and better photos have made all the difference for me.

[dmbetc]

Congrats Jeep Kid!! You've come a long way. I'm proud.

[AlpineValley804]

Originally Posted by jcc522

Only one set of buns for my hot dog now.

I proposed at sunset last night! She said yes and I’m not even 6’4” like Tyler

But did you keep your socks on?

For real though, congrats!

[Speilmen230]

Second date went really well last night. There's a lot of potential here. I'm cautiously optimistic. Similar interests, we talked about where we land on kids, love languages, family. She's into going to shows, buying vinyl, she's in a book club, loves movies, likes talking politics and world events.

I love that she's a psychologist who's a practicing therapist. Incredibly smart, emotionally available, has her shit together and knows what she wants.

It's early, but it's all good.

[AlpineValley804]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Second date went really well last night. There's a lot of potential here. I'm cautiously optimistic. Similar interests, we talked about where we land on kids, love languages, family. She's into going to shows, buying vinyl, she's in a book club, loves movies, likes talking politics and world events.

I love that she's a psychologist who's a practicing therapist. Incredibly smart, emotionally available, has her shit together and knows what she wants.

It's early, but it's all good.

Sounds like you may have landed a real catch. Hope it keeps up.

[Speilmen230]

Appreciate ya, Casey!

[Speilmen230]

Date #6 tonight. Bringing some wine and pizza over to her place. Get to see her place for the first time and meet her pup. She told me to wear comfy clothes.

[ToySoldier#34]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Date #6 tonight. Bringing some wine and pizza over to her place. Get to see her place for the first time and meet her pup. She told me to wear comfy clothes.

So that's what the kids say these days, interesting

[Speilmen230]

[WhereYouGoin]

I was watching Macy Gray on Tamron Hall and when talking to Tamron she likened dating to a job interview.

[Roose13]

That’s very profound

[SmoothG]

I'd love to try speed dating. Seems like it'd be fun.

[tyler3440]

Made out with this chick this weekend with her bf standing right there just staring, and he didn’t do shit. It’s like dude this ain't your girlfriend then. She’s a hoe

[smudge1]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

Made out with this chick this weekend with her bf standing right there just staring, and he didn’t do shit. It’s like dude this ain't your girlfriend then. She’s a hoe

How’d the threesome workout?

[Speilmen230]

How do you know he isn't into that sort of thing?

[smudge1]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

How do you know he isn't into that sort of thing?

That’s what I’m saying. He was probably like..if that’s the guy you like..invite him back to our place.

[fridge112887]

Started a new job in August and instantaneously started crushing on a female co-worker (she's a special education teacher and I'm a school social worker so while we don't work directly with one another, we cross paths frequently). She's a sweet girl with a big heart and physically she checks all the boxes. She's rather flirtatious around me, or at least I perceive it as flirting, and has gone out of her way to invite/almost push me to go to social events with our co-workers. Recently she quit her gym membership at Planet Fitness ($9/month) because she saw her student's parents once and decided to join my gym ($500 paid in full for 2 years) and go with me everyday. Since she joined last week, we've been texting back-and-forth regularly (work related, small talk, etc). She even invited me, along with a few other co-workers, to go on a quick Florida spring break trip. This is all great and my feelings have grown stronger; however, she has a boyfriend of five years and lives in the house they purchased together two years ago.


Maybe I've made the "flirting" out to be more than it is, but the fact that she A.) signed up for a new gym, on a whim, and has only been going with me B.) invited me to go with her and two other female co-workers on an out-of-state trip C.) and has been texting me regularly smells......fishy. I have no idea if the boyfriend knows of me. Either he's clueless or she has talked me down enough to where he doesn't care. He's also a teacher (different school) and has the same spring break as us, yet he's not part of the trip. She has talked to me about him here and there if necessary during our conversations. I know she's said he's a "zero out of ten" when it comes to communication and she has expressed a few other complaints that I've overheard. She has tried to play matchmaker and set me up with her friend but I wasn't feeling it for obvious reasons. I'm trying to keep my feelings at bay and tell myself that it won't/cant' happen because XYZ.



So what do we say, Ants?

[DMBstandUP1984]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

Started a new job in August and instantaneously started crushing on a female co-worker (she's a special education teacher and I'm a school social worker so while we don't work directly with one another, we cross paths frequently). She's a sweet girl with a big heart and physically she checks all the boxes. She's rather flirtatious around me, or at least I perceive it as flirting, and has gone out of her way to invite/almost push me to go to social events with our co-workers. Recently she quit her gym membership at Planet Fitness ($9/month) because she saw her student's parents once and decided to join my gym ($500 paid in full for 2 years) and go with me everyday. Since she joined last week, we've been texting back-and-forth regularly (work related, small talk, etc). She even invited me, along with a few other co-workers, to go on a quick Florida spring break trip. This is all great and my feelings have grown stronger; however, she has a boyfriend of five years and lives in the house they purchased together two years ago.


Maybe I've made the "flirting" out to be more than it is, but the fact that she A.) signed up for a new gym, on a whim, and has only been going with me B.) invited me to go with her and two other female co-workers on an out-of-state trip C.) and has been texting me regularly smells......fishy. I have no idea if the boyfriend knows of me. Either he's clueless or she has talked me down enough to where he doesn't care. He's also a teacher (different school) and has the same spring break as us, yet he's not part of the trip. She has talked to me about him here and there if necessary during our conversations. I know she's said he's a "zero out of ten" when it comes to communication and she has expressed a few other complaints that I've overheard. She has tried to play matchmaker and set me up with her friend but I wasn't feeling it for obvious reasons. I'm trying to keep my feelings at bay and tell myself that it won't/cant' happen because XYZ.



So what do we say, Ants?

Some men die under the mountain just looking for gold. Some die looking for a hand to hold.

[jcc522]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

Started a new job in August and instantaneously started crushing on a female co-worker (she's a special education teacher and I'm a school social worker so while we don't work directly with one another, we cross paths frequently). She's a sweet girl with a big heart and physically she checks all the boxes. She's rather flirtatious around me, or at least I perceive it as flirting, and has gone out of her way to invite/almost push me to go to social events with our co-workers. Recently she quit her gym membership at Planet Fitness ($9/month) because she saw her student's parents once and decided to join my gym ($500 paid in full for 2 years) and go with me everyday. Since she joined last week, we've been texting back-and-forth regularly (work related, small talk, etc). She even invited me, along with a few other co-workers, to go on a quick Florida spring break trip. This is all great and my feelings have grown stronger; however, she has a boyfriend of five years and lives in the house they purchased together two years ago.


Maybe I've made the "flirting" out to be more than it is, but the fact that she A.) signed up for a new gym, on a whim, and has only been going with me B.) invited me to go with her and two other female co-workers on an out-of-state trip C.) and has been texting me regularly smells......fishy. I have no idea if the boyfriend knows of me. Either he's clueless or she has talked me down enough to where he doesn't care. He's also a teacher (different school) and has the same spring break as us, yet he's not part of the trip. She has talked to me about him here and there if necessary during our conversations. I know she's said he's a "zero out of ten" when it comes to communication and she has expressed a few other complaints that I've overheard. She has tried to play matchmaker and set me up with her friend but I wasn't feeling it for obvious reasons. I'm trying to keep my feelings at bay and tell myself that it won't/cant' happen because XYZ.



So what do we say, Ants?

She’s going to have sex with you on the Spring Break trip if you’re willing and she’ll consume just enough alcohol so that she can justify it as a mistake to her boyfriend if she ever gets caught.

[gonz085]

Originally Posted by jcc522

She’s going to have sex with you on the Spring Break trip if you’re willing and she’ll consume just enough alcohol so that she can justify it as a mistake to her boyfriend if she ever gets caught.

These are my thoughts too.

[fridge112887]

She doesn't drink


I have my doubts that the trip will even happen - some nonsense will prevent us from going (i.e. her dorky boyfriend). Or maybe she wasn't as serious about going as she led me to believe.


I also forgot to add that she suggested we go to the waterpark after the gym sometime this summer. A woman with a boyfriend generally doesn't invite another male co-worker to do such things alone, yeah?

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

Started a new job in August and instantaneously started crushing on a female co-worker (she's a special education teacher and I'm a school social worker so while we don't work directly with one another, we cross paths frequently). She's a sweet girl with a big heart and physically she checks all the boxes. She's rather flirtatious around me, or at least I perceive it as flirting, and has gone out of her way to invite/almost push me to go to social events with our co-workers. Recently she quit her gym membership at Planet Fitness ($9/month) because she saw her student's parents once and decided to join my gym ($500 paid in full for 2 years) and go with me everyday. Since she joined last week, we've been texting back-and-forth regularly (work related, small talk, etc). She even invited me, along with a few other co-workers, to go on a quick Florida spring break trip. This is all great and my feelings have grown stronger; however, she has a boyfriend of five years and lives in the house they purchased together two years ago.


Maybe I've made the "flirting" out to be more than it is, but the fact that she A.) signed up for a new gym, on a whim, and has only been going with me B.) invited me to go with her and two other female co-workers on an out-of-state trip C.) and has been texting me regularly smells......fishy. I have no idea if the boyfriend knows of me. Either he's clueless or she has talked me down enough to where he doesn't care. He's also a teacher (different school) and has the same spring break as us, yet he's not part of the trip. She has talked to me about him here and there if necessary during our conversations. I know she's said he's a "zero out of ten" when it comes to communication and she has expressed a few other complaints that I've overheard. She has tried to play matchmaker and set me up with her friend but I wasn't feeling it for obvious reasons. I'm trying to keep my feelings at bay and tell myself that it won't/cant' happen because XYZ.



So what do we say, Ants?

Go for it anyway. The boyfriend ain’t shit and a total non factor

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

How do you know he isn't into that sort of thing?

Naw he stupidity tried to tie down a girl that doesn’t want any part of being tied down. The dude was pissed at her, but I mean it’s his fault for dating a girl like that.

[aeroshady]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

Started a new job in August and instantaneously started crushing on a female co-worker (she's a special education teacher and I'm a school social worker so while we don't work directly with one another, we cross paths frequently). She's a sweet girl with a big heart and physically she checks all the boxes. She's rather flirtatious around me, or at least I perceive it as flirting, and has gone out of her way to invite/almost push me to go to social events with our co-workers. Recently she quit her gym membership at Planet Fitness ($9/month) because she saw her student's parents once and decided to join my gym ($500 paid in full for 2 years) and go with me everyday. Since she joined last week, we've been texting back-and-forth regularly (work related, small talk, etc). She even invited me, along with a few other co-workers, to go on a quick Florida spring break trip. This is all great and my feelings have grown stronger; however, she has a boyfriend of five years and lives in the house they purchased together two years ago.

Maybe I've made the "flirting" out to be more than it is, but the fact that she A.) signed up for a new gym, on a whim, and has only been going with me B.) invited me to go with her and two other female co-workers on an out-of-state trip C.) and has been texting me regularly smells......fishy. I have no idea if the boyfriend knows of me. Either he's clueless or she has talked me down enough to where he doesn't care. He's also a teacher (different school) and has the same spring break as us, yet he's not part of the trip. She has talked to me about him here and there if necessary during our conversations. I know she's said he's a "zero out of ten" when it comes to communication and she has expressed a few other complaints that I've overheard. She has tried to play matchmaker and set me up with her friend but I wasn't feeling it for obvious reasons. I'm trying to keep my feelings at bay and tell myself that it won't/cant' happen because XYZ.



So what do we say, Ants?

Man, to me this has red flags written all over it.

1) You might be massively misreading this situation and she really does think of you as a friend (or maybe not even as an option sexually; but the "flirting" suggests otherwise).
If you didn't work together I would say just find out with a conversation, but I can understand why you might hesitate on that.

2) You are not misreading the situation and you have to ask yourself, would you really want to be with a woman that was willing to flirt with you and lead you on while she was involved with another man? That is a massive red flag to me. Either she cheats on him with you and then does what other people said "walks it back and makes excuses for her behavior" or worse, you end up with her knowing that she started your relationship by cheating on her last one. Have fun sleeping at night with that on your mind. A mature person would end her current situation respectfully and honestly before starting something new.

3) She is flirting with you, but has no intentions of ever acting on it but loves the validation you are giving her. You have nothing to gain in this case.

I don't know how old you are, but it sounds like you have a lot going for you. I would suggest not getting caught up on this girl and date around. If she is interested in you make sure you set a boundary that you wouldn't entertain anything with someone involved in a relationship. That can be done on the sly by slipping it into conversations.

The other option is just being completely frank and saying something like "I feel like we have a connection, but my concerns are that you are in a relationship. So if I am wrong and you are not interested, I would just rather know so that I can move on with you as a friend, but if I am right, please understand I don't want to get involved with someone who is in a committed relationship and be the reason for a breakup. If that changes, great!"

Anyway, those are my thoughts from my years of wisdom of making the wrong decisions in these situations.

Originally Posted by tyler3440

Naw he stupidity tried to tie down a girl that doesn’t want any part of being tied down. The dude was pissed at her, but I mean it’s his fault for dating a girl like that.

Yeah, sounds like a total loss. Time to hold that L and walk away.

[aeroshady]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

Started a new job in August and instantaneously started crushing on a female co-worker (she's a special education teacher and I'm a school social worker so while we don't work directly with one another, we cross paths frequently). She's a sweet girl with a big heart and physically she checks all the boxes. She's rather flirtatious around me, or at least I perceive it as flirting, and has gone out of her way to invite/almost push me to go to social events with our co-workers. Recently she quit her gym membership at Planet Fitness ($9/month) because she saw her student's parents once and decided to join my gym ($500 paid in full for 2 years) and go with me everyday. Since she joined last week, we've been texting back-and-forth regularly (work related, small talk, etc). She even invited me, along with a few other co-workers, to go on a quick Florida spring break trip. This is all great and my feelings have grown stronger; however, she has a boyfriend of five years and lives in the house they purchased together two years ago.


Maybe I've made the "flirting" out to be more than it is, but the fact that she A.) signed up for a new gym, on a whim, and has only been going with me B.) invited me to go with her and two other female co-workers on an out-of-state trip C.) and has been texting me regularly smells......fishy. I have no idea if the boyfriend knows of me. Either he's clueless or she has talked me down enough to where he doesn't care. He's also a teacher (different school) and has the same spring break as us, yet he's not part of the trip. She has talked to me about him here and there if necessary during our conversations. I know she's said he's a "zero out of ten" when it comes to communication and she has expressed a few other complaints that I've overheard. She has tried to play matchmaker and set me up with her friend but I wasn't feeling it for obvious reasons. I'm trying to keep my feelings at bay and tell myself that it won't/cant' happen because XYZ.



So what do we say, Ants?

One other thought I just had is that relationships can often have a slump around 4-5 years. It is not uncommon for one or both people to feel stuck a bit. For many it is a make-or-break time to work through. She might be going through that now and seeking some small validations and excitements while working through that with her BF. Hopefully it is not like my ex that straight cheated on me after 4 1/2 years with a friend of mine at the time (please feel free to reference page 1391 if I recall of this thread for that experience). Anyway, just something to keep in mind. Proceed with caution.

[ToySoldier#34]

Fridge - look elsewhere

[Speilmen230]

All kinds of red flags. I would definitely tread carefully and keep your guard up. As others have said, she could be using you for emotional validation.