Dating is miserable

[Jordan#41]

Originally Posted by Alazais

I'm in town the first week of August. We could all get together On the Wednesday night if everyone is around?

Originally Posted by cry_minarets458

to follow up on our messaging, just let me know when. you know my schedule.

I'd be down to meet up. Should be available that Wednesday.

[gonz085]

Broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years a few months ago. Long distance really fucks things up.

On another note, this Bumble app is ridiculous. In a very good way.

[Climb2safety]

Here is a fun dating story...

http://nymag.com/selectall/2017/08/w...-in-a-row.html


For me, next weekend is 6 months. It's really flown by.

All is going great, she moved a few miles away so it's really convenient to get together. Her kids and mine get along really well, my son and her girls message constantly.

It's a really supportive and constructive relationship. Haven't been in one argument or even really had a disagreement. We seem to get each other pretty well.

[rconverse]

That guy is awesome.

[SmoothG]

I know what you mean, but that's not awesome. That's a rookie mistake. He would have had much better luck spreading those dates over a few days or at least a longer time in between.

Fuckin amateur.

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by SmoothG

I know what you mean, but that's not awesome. That's a rookie mistake. He would have had much better luck spreading those dates over a few days or at least a longer time in between.

Fuckin amateur.

The dude got 6 dates in one night. He'll be ok.

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

The dude got 6 dates in one night. He'll be ok.

None of whom went home with him

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

None of whom went home with him

My guess is that's not what he's looking for. Seems like he is going for quantity to find the right girl given his approach.

His own little personal speed date.

[jcc522]

Two of his dates were hot.

The OP is a fucking bitter dog, lmao

[SmoothG]

Only one hottie in that group.

[cry_minarets458]

kappa kate

[Speilmen230]

I'm in a weird place where I'm really happy and feel loved in my relationship, but I feel like but what else is out there? I know that I've got a great companion and someone I truly love, but my mind wanders. I typically snap out of it when I realize the personality and relationship is what really matters, but I always wonder what else or where else I would be if I was single instead.

Almost like an alternative timeline paradox.

[gonz085]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

I'm in a weird place where I'm really happy and feel loved in my relationship, but I feel like but what else is out there? I know that I've got a great companion and someone I truly love, but my mind wanders. I typically snap out of it when I realize the personality and relationship is what really matters, but I always wonder what else or where else I would be if I was single instead.

Almost like an alternative timeline paradox.

Look back at your single posts here. Remember how you felt. Do some comparative analysis. Then see how you feel.

Odds are, you are just fine right now.

[Speilmen230]

I feel grass is greener is very true for a lot of life.

[garagebrothers]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

I feel grass is greener is very true for a lot of life.

Everyone will always wonder, its part of being human. But the grass is not usually greener unfortunately, but boy do our minds like to fuck with us!

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

I'm in a weird place where I'm really happy and feel loved in my relationship, but I feel like but what else is out there? I know that I've got a great companion and someone I truly love, but my mind wanders. I typically snap out of it when I realize the personality and relationship is what really matters, but I always wonder what else or where else I would be if I was single instead.

Almost like an alternative timeline paradox.

Be patient and give your current relationship more time. Guys are like rubber bands. We generally stretch from our current girlfriends but usually snap back.

If you never do snap back well, that's your clue to move on.

[mHeiser92]

I've lurked around this thread from time to time, being a miserable dater myself the last few years. Had a first date tonight with a girl and it was so nice I couldn't help but post in here

The meetup was originally planned by my buddy's mom, who works with this girl. She wanted to plan an "accidental meetup" a few weeks ago at a local bar. Just a "Oh look, it's Mike, how ya been blah blah" and oh by the way this is Amanda and we work together. Needless to say it was a bad setup and I never actually met the girl.

I use that app Bumble, with no success in the past, but it's fun to try. Well I match with this girl on the app and she sends a message asking if I was the friend of her coworker's son. Weird how it happened. We went out to a local brewery tonight and had a great night. Already planning on a second date for a ball game later this week. Just crazy odds how this all happened. Truly excited to see where this goes, been a long time since I had that feeling

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by mHeiser92

I've lurked around this thread from time to time, being a miserable dater myself the last few years. Had a first date tonight with a girl and it was so nice I couldn't help but post in here

The meetup was originally planned by my buddy's mom, who works with this girl. She wanted to plan an "accidental meetup" a few weeks ago at a local bar. Just a "Oh look, it's Mike, how ya been blah blah" and oh by the way this is Amanda and we work together. Needless to say it was a bad setup and I never actually met the girl.

I use that app Bumble, with no success in the past, but it's fun to try. Well I match with this girl on the app and she sends a message asking if I was the friend of her coworker's son. Weird how it happened. We went out to a local brewery tonight and had a great night. Already planning on a second date for a ball game later this week. Just crazy odds how this all happened. Truly excited to see where this goes, been a long time since I had that feeling

So you matched Amanda on the app and she messaged you.

That's awesome!

Good first date feeling >>That new car smell, you just can't beat it!

[laura22]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

I feel grass is greener is very true for a lot of life.

grass is greener where you water it

[Tiduwho]

Originally Posted by laura22

grass is greener where you water it

mindblown.gif

[tyler3440]

Been going out a lot lately now that I'm in real college

I get a buzz on and usually talk to girls

The other night at some concert I really got a good drunk on and I was hitting on a lot of girls. Eventually, I found 3 girls and started talking to them. They seemed pretty inviting so I kinda stayed and hung out with them. Conversation was going good so good that infact some dude that I had talked to briefly was like "man do you know these people" I was like no "I just met them" then the dude was like "damn I wish i can be like you" so that must mean I look pretty sociable and fun. His comments gave me some more cofendence for sure.

Anyway, I kinda set my focus to this one girl in the group of 3 and I asked her if she wanted to hang out the next day. And she said sure and I let her put my number in my phone because I was drunk. Like drunk to the point where one of the girls said she was from massachusetts and I keept on saying she was from connecticut even after her friend (the girl who's number I got) kept on correcting me I also nearly fell over once but I wasn't ridiculously drunk. I mean I was able to hold a conversation.

Anyways, I asked her again if she wanted to hang out and she was like "yeah just text me you have my number"

Of corse I text her the next day and got no response. Def took a hit to my confindence

Now tinder is not very good either. I'll get a decent conversation going and I'll ask her on a date and then thay just stop responding. Or she will come back and start talking again after I move the convo away from the date and a diffent topic. But even then after a little bit of a conversation, I just get compleatly shut off. This happens a lot.

[AllifromOhio]

Originally Posted by gonz085

Broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years a few months ago. Long distance really fucks things up.

On another note, this Bumble app is ridiculous. In a very good way.

Oh man, sorry to hear this.

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

Been going out a lot lately now that I'm in real college

I get a buzz on and usually talk to girls

The other night at some concert I really got a good drunk on and I was hitting on a lot of girls. Eventually, I found 3 girls and started talking to them. They seemed pretty inviting so I kinda stayed and hung out with them. Conversation was going good so good that infact some dude that I had talked to briefly was like "man do you know these people" I was like no "I just met them" then the dude was like "damn I wish i can be like you" so that must mean I look pretty sociable and fun. His comments gave me some more cofendence for sure.

Anyway, I kinda set my focus to this one girl in the group of 3 and I asked her if she wanted to hang out the next day. And she said sure and I let her put my number in my phone because I was drunk. Like drunk to the point where one of the girls said she was from massachusetts and I keept on saying she was from connecticut even after her friend (the girl who's number I got) kept on correcting me I also nearly fell over once but I wasn't ridiculously drunk. I mean I was able to hold a conversation.

Anyways, I asked her again if she wanted to hang out and she was like "yeah just text me you have my number"

Of corse I text her the next day and got no response. Def took a hit to my confindence

Now tinder is not very good either. I'll get a decent conversation going and I'll ask her on a date and then thay just stop responding. Or she will come back and start talking again after I move the convo away from the date and a diffent topic. But even then after a little bit of a conversation, I just get compleatly shut off. This happens a lot.

Good you are putting yourself in the right situations.

Maybe try not getting drunk though, just a nice little fun buzz.

Generally, you can either get wasted or successfully meet girls. Hard to do both so decide what's more important.

[recentlyJTR41]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

B
Of corse I text her the next day and got no response. Def took a hit to my confindence

STOP. There's your problem. Don't text them the next day. I know you want to, but don't seem too desperate. Wait a few days and shoot them a text.

I think "the game" is stupid as shit, but girls like it so roll with it.


I'm not calling you desperate by any means that's just how girls will see it. Desperation will turn off girls more than anything imo.


Good luck. Try downloading Bumble. When you match with a girl they have to message you first.

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

Good you are putting yourself in the right situations.

Maybe try not getting drunk though, just a nice little fun buzz.

Generally, you can either get wasted or successfully meet girls. Hard to do both so decide what's more important.

Gotcha, get a buzz but don't get sloppy.

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by recentlyJTR41

STOP. There's your problem. Don't text them the next day. I know you want to, but don't seem too desperate. Wait a few days and shoot them a text.

I think "the game" is stupid as shit, but girls like it so roll with it.


I'm not calling you desperate by any means that's just how girls will see it. Desperation will turn off girls more than anything imo.


Good luck. Try downloading Bumble. When you match with a girl they have to message you first.

It's annoying but I def get what your saying. I definitely thought of not texting her for a few days but I wanted to hang out with her gameday (which was the next day)

But probably if I had any chance I should have waited like you said.

On the other hand I do feel like if she was actually into me it wouldn't have mattered how long I waited.

Also this tinder stuff is more disappointing because I'm usually good at getting their attention initially but it never goes anywhere. Why even bother swiping my profile. Shit, one girl when I asked if she wanted to meet up all of a sudden said she was 17. her profile said 22

[tyler3440]

And on bumble I will sometimes get a match. I got a few cute girl on their and non of them messaged me and you can't do much about that excep extend the time.

The rest I just unmatched because they weren't my type. Not to mention that way more people are on tinder

[LowEnd_Theory]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

Been going out a lot lately now that I'm in real college

I get a buzz on and usually talk to girls

The other night at some concert I really got a good drunk on and I was hitting on a lot of girls. Eventually, I found 3 girls and started talking to them. They seemed pretty inviting so I kinda stayed and hung out with them. Conversation was going good so good that infact some dude that I had talked to briefly was like "man do you know these people" I was like no "I just met them" then the dude was like "damn I wish i can be like you" so that must mean I look pretty sociable and fun. His comments gave me some more cofendence for sure.

Anyway, I kinda set my focus to this one girl in the group of 3 and I asked her if she wanted to hang out the next day. And she said sure and I let her put my number in my phone because I was drunk. Like drunk to the point where one of the girls said she was from massachusetts and I keept on saying she was from connecticut even after her friend (the girl who's number I got) kept on correcting me I also nearly fell over once but I wasn't ridiculously drunk. I mean I was able to hold a conversation.

Anyways, I asked her again if she wanted to hang out and she was like "yeah just text me you have my number"

Of corse I text her the next day and got no response. Def took a hit to my confindence

Now tinder is not very good either. I'll get a decent conversation going and I'll ask her on a date and then thay just stop responding. Or she will come back and start talking again after I move the convo away from the date and a diffent topic. But even then after a little bit of a conversation, I just get compleatly shut off. This happens a lot.

Sounds like you don't need Tinder, for starters. Seems like meeting chicks in real life situations is something you feel comfortable and are pretty good at so. My suggestion would be to bag it altogether, save yourself the time/energy wasted, and focus on putting yourself good social situations.

Also, I would change up from the "hang out next day" thing to "lets hangout sometime". "Next day" puts an unnecessary clock on the whole thing and then you have to hit her up the next day because you're the one who said you wanted to hang out the next day so if you don't then you're standing her up.

Not necessary. Keep the time frame open ended, play it cool and give it at least a few days before hitting her up, and then ask her to hangout.

Don't let her not responding knock your confidence-- you did everything right but ultimately just pigeonholed yourself and put her in an easy position to not respond. However, like I said, easy fix!

[LowEnd_Theory]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

I'm in a weird place where I'm really happy and feel loved in my relationship, but I feel like but what else is out there? I know that I've got a great companion and someone I truly love, but my mind wanders. I typically snap out of it when I realize the personality and relationship is what really matters, but I always wonder what else or where else I would be if I was single instead.

Almost like an alternative timeline paradox.

The bold feels like its implying that physical attraction isn't as important as personality. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm getting that your mind wanders but those eyes are wandering too. Which, you know, would be valid.

You're in your mid 20's yeah? How long in the relationship? Marriage potential?

I just got out of 5 year relationship, 27 years old, and while there were plenty of reasons why we split (it was a very amicable split) the question of "what else is out there?" definitely was nagging and wouldn't go away as well as me feeling like my physical attraction to her had decreased over time and that I was capable of sleeping with very hot women.

That "what else is out there" though was not just her/ a girl, but EVERYTHING. My entire life. Sounds like its the same for you. That's a valid feeling though and it came up enough times for me over and over again to the point where I realized I would definitely regret not going out and exploring on my own because I'd never done that post-college.

Whatever the reason for the itch is, whatever it looks like, different for each person obviously but we all have that itch that needs scratching. That feeling of lets keep growing. Now, there were years of my relationship that I felt like, yeah, us being together is ultimately whats best for us as individuals as well, but then of course, it changed and I felt like I needed to step into a new stage of life alone in order to grow.

Hardest decision in the world, so fucking hard because my love for her is still very strong, but two months on the other side and I haven't second guessed it for a second.

All I can say is if you're in touch with what you know you need in life, what's true and ultimately going to foster growth in the ways you want for yourself, then that's most important and to just continue to be aware of it.

I've found that with my relationship, ultimately my gut feelings on what I needed to do won out in the end over my rationalizing of this, that and the other.

So yeah.

/kinda high and rambling.

[recentlyJTR41]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

It's annoying but I def get what your saying. I definitely thought of not texting her for a few days but I wanted to hang out with her gameday (which was the next day)

But probably if I had any chance I should have waited like you said.

On the other hand I do feel like if she was actually into me it wouldn't have mattered how long I waited.

Also this tinder stuff is more disappointing because I'm usually good at getting their attention initially but it never goes anywhere. Why even bother swiping my profile. Shit, one girl when I asked if she wanted to meet up all of a sudden said she was 17. her profile said 22

Gameday isn't the best day to "hangout" with a girl you just met imo because everyone is tailgating. Save that for during the week. She'll be with her friends going from tailgate to tailgate and fraternity houses. Maybe you'll run into her at the bar that night. Now, if yall start texting or whatever invite her to the next tailgate at your house or whatever. That could be a lot of fun.

Like Low end said keep it open ended and without an actual date attached to it. Delete Tinder it's full of bots. Bumble is the only one I would rely on imo if I was going to use an app. Girls have to message first and if they're interested they'll let you know.