Dating is miserable

[fridge112887]

Originally Posted by Nick@Night

A few weeks ago, I matched with a girl on Bumble, and she initiated conversation. I returned the hello, and she admitted that her name on the app wasn't her real name, it was (insert name here). I made a joke that the fake name would be a good stripper name, and she launched in to this Dickens novel-length paragraph chastising me for being a dick, if that's how I talk to women I will forever be alone, the name she was using was of her kid who died a few years ago of cancer, how dare I make such a comment when she's still hurting over the loss, and went full lecture on me (it filled my whole phone screen). We had literally exchanged less than a dozen words before she dove in trying to reduce my world to nothing but rubble.

After I read it, I saw the three dots showing she was typing more, and deleted her before she could fire another nuke at my soul.

Why couldn't she just use her actual name? Was she trying to hide from someone? Sounds like a few screws were loose.

[fridge112887]

Speaking of stripper names, I've seen a "Care Bear". That's the best and worst stripper stage name

[Nick@Night]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

Why couldn't she just use her actual name? Was she trying to hide from someone? Sounds like a few screws were loose.

She's clearly very hung up on the lost kid thing, and her Facebook profile reflects that notion with it being the name she uses on social media. Nothing wrong with that, but she probably shouldn't be out trying to date if she feels obligated to chew out complete strangers based on innocuous comments.

[Roose13]

Originally Posted by Nick@Night

She's clearly very hung up on the lost kid thing, and her Facebook profile reflects that notion with it being the name she uses on social media. Nothing wrong with that, but she probably shouldn't be out trying to date if she feels obligated to chew out complete strangers based on innocuous comments.

Yea, sounds like she's not taking loss too well. Not her fault, but you don't need that baggage or to be a victim of her poor coping mechanism.

[sbuzzz]

Who names their SON after a stripper though?

[Climb2safety]

I think it’s a red flag if after almost a year you and your SO still have issues about whether something constitutes a date night or not.

You should just be together at this point not worried about keeping score and about who does what when and what it does or doesn’t mean.

[recentlyJTR41]

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

I think it’s a red flag if after almost a year you and your SO still have issues about whether something constitutes a date night or not.

You should just be together at this point not worried about keeping score and about who does what when and what it does or doesn’t mean.

This 1000% it should never be a competition. That's when you start to have problems. You should always be trying to please and do for each other out of love not trying to one up another. If so then it's time to move on.

[ToySoldier#34]

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

I think it’s a red flag if after almost a year you and your SO still have issues about whether something constitutes a date night or not.

You should just be together at this point not worried about keeping score and about who does what when and what it does or doesn’t mean.

That's exactly how we are, looks like we are in good shape!

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34

That's exactly how we are, looks like we are in good shape!

That’s not all it takes but that’s great. I’ve been where I did not have that and didn’t really realize how much of a struggle it was until I finally got there. It just made everything so much harder and not fun.

[ToySoldier#34]

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

That’s not all it takes but that’s great. I’ve been where I did not have that and didn’t really realize how much of a struggle it was until I finally got there. It just made everything so much harder and not fun.

I'm aware, we don't count or keep track of anything like that and everything we do is supportive because we want to, we have both learned a lot from previously being in really bad relationships for various reasons.

[laura22]

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

You guys have been together a while right. Surprised you are still asking yourself these questions.

You want to go to this thing. She can go or not. What’s the biggie? Are you still counting “date nights” and stuff?

Originally Posted by sbuzzz

I think I'm missing what the issue is. You consider it a date and she didn't? Did that mean you didn't fulfill some other "date" obligation? What did she consider it? Im not seeing the disconnect here.

ya i find the question itself bizarre / a red flag that something isn't right

[ToySoldier#34]

Bring up one isolated thing and all of a sudden it's red flags and we should break up, welcome to the internet I guess

[jcc522]

Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34

Bring up one isolated thing and all of a sudden it's red flags and we should break up, welcome to the internet I guess

yeah man, something being called date night or not being a point of contention enough to type up a paragraph on the internet is a red flag

[Roose13]

Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34

Bring up one isolated thing and all of a sudden it's red flags and we should break up, welcome to the internet I guess

Well you did post it in the Dating is miserable thread with no context in the first place.

[ToySoldier#34]

Originally Posted by Roose13

Well you did post it in the Dating is miserable thread with no context in the first place.

I was trying to provide the context in the paragraph that JCC just mentioned, holy crap has this been blown out of proportion.

[sbuzzz]

I don't think it's red flag worthy.

I'm still trying to figure out why it was worthy at all.

[jcc522]

I have a large crush on this girl in my program. This afternoon I left my water bottle in a class. Two minutes after, I realized my mistake and went back for it. As I entered the room, I saw her see my bottle and grab it for me. She was securing it when I thanked her and got it back. Love her.

[redsox14]

Getting a little worried about Tyler....

[fridge112887]

In Tyler's absence I'll pose a question to keep things going in the 'miserable' thread.

Two weeks ago, after over a month of refraining from communication, I texted my previous "Tinder girlfriend" and asked her out for drinks. Her response was "I would be down for drinks definitely" and we set a date for this Saturday. She originally broke things off between us because she wasn't quite as ready to date as she thought and needed to find and focus on herself. No, she's not the most emotionally stable individual. In my text I clarified I was asking her as friends and reiterated that point again last Sunday. I honestly intend on this just being a casual night out, no feelings behind it. She's enjoyable to be around. However, has anyone gone out with an ex and found yourself developing feelings again from that experience? Part of me is concerned that seeing her would spark something and if she's no where near ready to date, I'd just be getting my hopes up. Can one have a civil relationship with an ex? We were only together for a few months so it's not like things got too serious.

[ToySoldier#34]

Some of my friends have become very close friends with people they used to date while dating / marrying other people, I personally have never contacted or spent any time with an ex

[aeroshady]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

In Tyler's absence I'll pose a question to keep things going in the 'miserable' thread.

Two weeks ago, after over a month of refraining from communication, I texted my previous "Tinder girlfriend" and asked her out for drinks. Her response was "I would be down for drinks definitely" and we set a date for this Saturday. She originally broke things off between us because she wasn't quite as ready to date as she thought and needed to find and focus on herself. No, she's not the most emotionally stable individual. In my text I clarified I was asking her as friends and reiterated that point again last Sunday. I honestly intend on this just being a casual night out, no feelings behind it. She's enjoyable to be around. However, has anyone gone out with an ex and found yourself developing feelings again from that experience? Part of me is concerned that seeing her would spark something and if she's no where near ready to date, I'd just be getting my hopes up. Can one have a civil relationship with an ex? We were only together for a few months so it's not like things got too serious.

I have become very good friends with some girls that I have hooked up with but never dated. Any one that I would actually call an ex I have not talked to in probably 6-10 years (November will be 10 years together with my wife [We married this July but started dating in November 2008]).

As for feelings? Can't say that I ever had feelings for an ex after we ended things. I have noticed that I developed some feelings for some girls that I turned down in the past, but later wished I had not. Basically, turning down a girl and then a year later liking her but realizing you already squashed any change of something happening between you. Definitely shot myself in the foot a few times that way.

[fridge112887]

While I want to stay close with the girl, I don't want to friendzone myself either.

[ToySoldier#34]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

While I want to stay close with the girl, I don't want to friendzone myself either.

You want to take a girl out just as friends but don't want to be friendzoned?

[redsox14]

Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34

Some of my friends have become very close friends with people they used to date while dating / marrying other people, I personally have never contacted or spent any time with an ex

Jess and Keith are living proof exes can be friends ha

[ToySoldier#34]

Originally Posted by redsox14

Jess and Keith are living proof exes can be friends ha

They are my false glimmer of hope when relationships have fallen apart, it never actually plays out like that in my life

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

While I want to stay close with the girl, I don't want to friendzone myself either.

How much of an ex is she? It sounds your previous relationship was minimal but I can’t tell.

Personally, I wouldn’t publicly define it with her. Why do that?

Protect yourself but leave everything on the table should be your goal. Options my friend.

[cry_minarets458]

here for tyler updates

[fridge112887]

Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34

You want to take a girl out just as friends but don't want to be friendzoned?

Yes. As long as I distance myself enough, I think it can be managed. Maybe go out once or twice a month if we're both free on the weekend. If not, oh well. If it feels like we're too close, I can draw back or completely cut her out of the picture.

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

How much of an ex is she? It sounds your previous relationship was minimal but I can’t tell.

Personally, I wouldn’t publicly define it with her. Why do that?

Protect yourself but leave everything on the table should be your goal. Options my friend.

Yeah, pretty minimal. It had yet to hit the more serious stage but it kinda sorta was heading in that direction.

I plan on being myself and avoiding any talk about the past - or at least anything pertaining to the relationship. As long as I make her laugh, the night should go ok.

[FromTheMorning]

Got a first date in a couple hours. Casual post-work drinks. First time in a few years that I'm actually interested in something other than a fling so hoping it goes well.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by cry_minarets458

here for tyler updates

Tyler moved back home and went back to community college.

translation

Tyler is back to beating his dick like it owes him money.