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Old 08-18-2009, 11:25 PM   #1
The Mango
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Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

i never have, but i've heard a lot of funny stories about other people who have.

any of you men or women have stories?
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  • Old 08-18-2009, 11:28 PM   #2
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Nope. Lol. Thank the lord. Cant wait to hear responses.

    Thread could use a poll
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    Old 08-18-2009, 11:52 PM   #3
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    cant wait to read the funny shit that is gonna be here tomorrow,
    for the record, me, i dont think so, but i might have, ive done the nasty alot, eh eh eh
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    what? do you mean waking up spooning, crown and dr pepper on the drive to the show, the Bears Lair where I failed at life and dropped the c-word, almost getting kicked out with a rum and coke in hand or telling some chick to shut the fuck up?

    yeah pretty good day
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    Old 08-19-2009, 12:04 AM   #4
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    My friend walked in on my other friend fucking a carpet...sort of. Well he was masturbating laying down practically humping the carpet later admitting he liked the texture of it. Idk...

    But for a similar funny story watch this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59oQg-xjy4M
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    Old 08-19-2009, 01:31 AM   #5
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Fuck no, I'm a pro.

    I hear something even REMOTELY close to someone near my door, suspend action, perhaps even abort.
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    Wrong.

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    So is a glacier.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 02:24 AM   #6
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    ^do you masturbate to Jay Cutler?
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    Old 08-19-2009, 02:40 AM   #7
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Shotgun27 View Post
    ^do you masturbate to Jay Cutler?
    When I'm lacking inspiration, it's either jerk it to Cutler or your mother.
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    Wrong.

    The plot is always moving forward.
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    So is a glacier.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 03:22 AM   #8
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    We need that story from that other thread about the guy who's roommate was jacking it to a pic of the guy's gf on Day 1, got him removed from the room after talking with the RA, and then ran into him at a different school in some class 10 years later.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 03:33 AM   #9
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    ^ I forgot about that one.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 04:14 AM   #10
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Never been caught, but one too many close calls. My mom had a wonderful habit of not knocking before walking into my room when the door was closed. My main tactic to get around this was to jerk with shorts on, have one ear listening to headphones and the other to the door. When emergency ensues, it was usually pull shorts shorts back over my junk, cross legs, close browser.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 04:48 AM   #11
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Yes.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 04:59 AM   #12
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    I'm almost positive this exact thing's been done before, but hell that's probably true for about a third of the threads around here.

    Funny thing is I was just thinking a couple days ago that I wondered if we'd have another month long masturbation contest, wasn't it about a year ago that was first done?
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    Old 08-19-2009, 05:40 AM   #13
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Carbon Copy View Post
    Yes.
    Sounds about right...

    on purpose?
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    Old 08-19-2009, 06:31 AM   #14
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AJF_41 View Post
    Sounds about right...

    on purpose?
    wuz tehking n00dz
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    Old 08-19-2009, 06:35 AM   #15
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tiduwho View Post
    We need that story from that other thread about the guy who's roommate was jacking it to a pic of the guy's gf on Day 1, got him removed from the room after talking with the RA, and then ran into him at a different school in some class 10 years later.
    great thread. we could also use a spinoff- have you ever caught someone masturbating?
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    Old 08-19-2009, 06:36 AM   #16
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Your mom caught me once. It was cool though, because she ended up finishing the job for me.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 07:46 AM   #17
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Choking the chicken
    do it stealth mode only. Or,
    caught by your mama
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    Old 08-19-2009, 07:54 AM   #18
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    this will be great

    I must say..I never have
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    Old 08-19-2009, 08:11 AM   #19
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    I come home to find my my son treating his body like it was an amusement park!

    I was caught, well kind of caught once. My gf was living away and we were masturbating with each other on webcam and at the time I shared the attic with my younger brother and my brother's gf walked in but I had just put my dick away, it was the closest call ever.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 08:15 AM   #20
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dotpsd View Post
    I come home to find my my son treating his body like it was an amusement park!

    I was caught, well kind of caught once. My gf was living away and we were masturbating with each other on webcam and at the time I shared the attic with my younger brother and my brother's gf walked in but I had just put my dick away, it was the closest call ever.
    i can't stop laughing
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    Old 08-19-2009, 08:28 AM   #21
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    when I was a kid, probably 10-12, I figured out that if you put your dick up to the warm heater jet in the pool it would feel really good. So my Aunt came to check on me after a few minutes of silence in the pool.....You can figure out the rest

    let's just say I'll never be able to look at my aunt the same way
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    Old 08-19-2009, 08:29 AM   #22
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by The Mango View Post
    i never have, but i've heard a lot of funny stories about other people who have.

    any of you men or women have stories?
    Let's be honest. This is the key part of the post.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 08:38 AM   #23
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Never. Thank God.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 08:48 AM   #24
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    My mother caught me. I was alone. I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed to be working. My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it. So, one thing lead to another. Then she walks in. First she screams, "What are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it. I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.
    I wanted to catch her, but I couldn't run over there the way I was! So, she fell, and then she started screaming, "My back! My back!" So, I picked her up and took her to the hospital. She's in traction. Its not funny either. Her back went out. She's gotta be there for a couple of days. All she said on the way over in the car was, "Why, Anthony, why?!".. I said, "Because it's there!"

    Well, I'll tell you this, though - I am never doing.. that , again.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 08:48 AM   #25
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    I caught my best friend our freshman year of college. Hilarious, yet awkward.

    The best part was that when I caught him, like two minutes later a pool scene came on in the movie he was watching (Streakers on Comedy Central). So he saw the movie was on, thought, "Hey, that scene is coming up... I'll jerk it" and then was waiting for it. But I busted in the door before he had a chance.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 08:49 AM   #26
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by hbktonyb View Post
    My mother caught me. I was alone. I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed to be working. My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it. So, one thing lead to another. Then she walks in. First she screams, "What are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it. I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.
    I wanted to catch her, but I couldn't run over there the way I was! So, she fell, and then she started screaming, "My back! My back!" So, I picked her up and took her to the hospital. She's in traction. Its not funny either. Her back went out. She's gotta be there for a couple of days. All she said on the way over in the car was, "Why, Anthony, why?!".. I said, "Because it's there!"

    Well, I'll tell you this, though - I am never doing.. that , again.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 08:58 AM   #27
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    not yet...but i have time no worries
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    Do you two do ANYTHING else in life besides jerk each other in your mom’s basement in between posting on Ants fucking Marching??
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    You're just as terrible a person as Toysoldier is.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 09:00 AM   #28
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by junior94 View Post
    I'm almost positive this exact thing's been done before, but hell that's probably true for about a third of the threads around here.

    Funny thing is I was just thinking a couple days ago that I wondered if we'd have another month long masturbation contest, wasn't it about a year ago that was first done?

    http://www.antsmarching.org/forum/sh...d.php?t=164741
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    Old 08-19-2009, 09:01 AM   #29
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by HolyCow View Post
    I caught my best friend our freshman year of college. Hilarious, yet awkward.

    The best part was that when I caught him, like two minutes later a pool scene came on in the movie he was watching (Streakers on Comedy Central). So he saw the movie was on, thought, "Hey, that scene is coming up... I'll jerk it" and then was waiting for it. But I busted in the door before he had a chance.
    You cockblock!!
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    Old 08-19-2009, 09:26 AM   #30
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    When I was a junior in high school one morning before school, after I got out of the shower my dad came into my room and caught me laying buck naked spread eagle on my bed going to town yanking it like there was no tomorrow. He said, "Don't be late for school," and walked out.

    I finished.

    I told my dad I had been inspecting my penis because I thought there was something wrong with it.

    For eight years not a word was spoken of it, but it was always in the back of my mind. So finally, at 25, I didn't like having it on my mind so I sat him down one day and told him that that one time I thought I had something wrong with my penis, I was really just covering up that he had caught me whacking off. He said he didn't remember, but thanks for sharing.
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