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Old 08-19-2009, 01:27 PM   #61
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Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Socks View Post
that is hardly a pun
Pun

1. the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications, or the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning; a play on words.
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  • Old 08-19-2009, 01:33 PM   #62
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    I've heard a story about the guy who was watching the porn on the web, with a headphones on. He closed his eyes and suddenly someone tapped his. He opened his eyes and it was his mother, who said: "The dinner is ready, come by when you finish"
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    Old 08-19-2009, 01:36 PM   #63
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SmoothRider[PL] View Post
    I've heard a story about the guy who was watching the porn on the web, with a headphones on. He closed his eyes and suddenly someone tapped his. He opened his eyes and it was his mother, who said: "The dinner is ready, come by when you finish"
    fucking europeans
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    Old 08-19-2009, 01:36 PM   #64
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Another one. Back in college, friend of a friend caught his roommate masterbating in his room to porn.

    he returned home from class to hear porn from his roommates room. so he sneaked next door, grabbed the two guys that lived there, and their friends visiting, snuck back in the apt, and they all barreled into the porn room to find the guy laying there spanking away to fat chick porn.

    the guy lept up and ran, cock in hand, to the bathroom.


    they had a nickname for him, but I don't remember what it was. Tubby, Tiny, tosser, something like that.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 01:40 PM   #65
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SmoothRider[PL] View Post
    I've heard a story about the guy who was watching the porn on the web, with a headphones on. He closed his eyes and suddenly someone tapped his. He opened his eyes and it was his mother, who said: "The dinner is ready, come by when you finish"
    seriously, if i was ever caught whackin it, my parents would kill me. or kick me out of the house.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 01:40 PM   #66
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Another story, but I think it's rather a joke:

    Guy is watching porn on TV and jerking off, then - his mother is coming to the room withouth knocking, he is changing the channel. "Son? What are you doing?! Are you masturbating?". He knows he cannot lie, so he admits that, he looks at the TV and what? - presidential inauguration retransmission
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    Old 08-19-2009, 01:49 PM   #67
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TheTallOne View Post
    Pun

    1. the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications, or the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning; a play on words.
    oh thanks
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    Old 08-19-2009, 01:52 PM   #68
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    When I was a freshman in college I caught my roommate masturbating. He was a loner his whole life and I'm pretty sure he was a virgin, well anyway we were at a party together and since he didn't like trying to hook up with girls told me he wasn't feeling well and was heading back to the dorm. I left about an hour later to him being wasted wacking it, he asked me if he would give him 5 more minutes haha
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    Old 08-19-2009, 01:53 PM   #69
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    I have one that my two of my friends told me about. They went to a friend's house uninvited, opened his door and caught him jerking off at his computer. He quickly closed out of the window he was looking at but apparently they had time to see it was a site featuring large black women.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 01:54 PM   #70
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    I knew a guy I worked with that caught two girls going at it in a high school bathroom. Goth like girl going down on a cheerleader, but I guess that's for the 'things you've seen that could be in porn' thread.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 01:55 PM   #71
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jake View Post
    Get caught spanking it?
    you, dmbigeyedphish.
    LOL U mad?
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jake View Post
    Call it what you like
    dmbigeyephish spanks;
    just like a monkey
    Sorry to say, Jake
    You miscounted syllables
    Second lines are wrong.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 02:00 PM   #72
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    This is an enjoyable thread. I know theres some Davespeak featuring this topic.

    something like, "i love masturbation, helps me chill right the fuck out"
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    Old 08-19-2009, 02:13 PM   #73
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    ^ it's closer to "I know an old remedy, it's called whacking it, will chill you the fuck out"
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    Old 08-19-2009, 02:16 PM   #74
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Never been caught.

    On a sidenote though, does anyone ever feel the slightest bit weird when you are cranking your meat and the cat is sitting on the couch across the room watching you?
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    Old 08-19-2009, 02:34 PM   #75
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jake View Post
    I'm on a masterbation memory lane.... must've been the haiku's.


    I remember someone I knew, don't remember who or where, that caught her great-grandmother masterbating on the occasion of her 102nd birthday.

    the family heard moaning and thought she had fallen, went upstairs to investigate and found her on her bed, legs in the air and hands deep inside a crotch that saw action in the Harding admininstration.
    This was unnecessary.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 02:35 PM   #76
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by PhishSticks40 View Post
    Never been caught.

    On a sidenote though, does anyone ever feel the slightest bit weird when you are cranking your meat and the cat is sitting on the couch across the room watching you?
    yea that freaks me the fuck out
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    Old 08-19-2009, 02:42 PM   #77
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    i caught my roomate in the dorms freshman year. it was wierd because i signed up for a random and they put me up with this kid who was a junior and still lived in the dorms. he was pretty wierd and needless to say, we never really clicked as roommates. i remember i said i was going to the dining hall, then i realized i forgot my id as i was walking out of the building. so i went back up to my room, and i was kinda half expecting it half bracing myself for it to possibly happen. sure enough, i walk in, and there he is going to town in front of his sweet mac desktop, he shuts off the monitor immediately. i remember he freaked out and like picked up the phone like he was looking at our phone (which we never used). it was wierd, then one night not long after that, i was sleeping in bed (we had the raised up lofted beds) and when i woke up i looked down and i see him surfing porn websites with pictures of girls getting tied up and all this wierd shit. luckily, at this point it was like march and i knew i could make the home stretch to the end of the semester being his roommate
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    Old 08-19-2009, 02:57 PM   #78
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    why is it that mostly people have only posted stories about either walking in on someone or "almost getting caught". hmm?
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    Old 08-19-2009, 03:24 PM   #79
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Shotgun27 View Post
    why is it that mostly people have only posted stories about either walking in on someone or "almost getting caught". hmm?
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    Old 08-19-2009, 03:28 PM   #80
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Kid I went to high school with got caught jerking off during his break at Burger King.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 03:48 PM   #81
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Real question is has anyone ever been caught whacking off while on Ants?
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    Old 08-19-2009, 03:55 PM   #82
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rodey View Post
    Kid I went to high school with got caught jerking off during his break at Burger King.

    to which he quickly responded, "JUST ADDING THE SPECIAL SAUCE SIR!"
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    Old 08-19-2009, 04:07 PM   #83
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jake View Post
    I'm on a masterbation memory lane.... must've been the haiku's.


    I remember someone I knew, don't remember who or where, that caught her great-grandmother masterbating on the occasion of her 102nd birthday.

    the family heard moaning and thought she had fallen, went upstairs to investigate and found her on her bed, legs in the air and hands deep inside a crotch that saw action in the Harding admininstration.
    My day got gradually worse as I made my way through this post.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 06:30 PM   #84
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    This all reminds me of the great Stephen Lynch song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1QAsPLNDVc
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    Old 08-19-2009, 07:27 PM   #85
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    A girl at my high school years back masturbated with a hot dog at school and it got snapped in half inside her.

    She went to the nurse and had to go to the hospital to get it taken out.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 07:34 PM   #86
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jackbauer0041 View Post
    A girl at my high school years back masturbated with a hot dog at school and it got snapped in half inside her.

    She went to the nurse and had to go to the hospital to get it taken out.
    This reminds me, my friend was eating his girlfriend out, and they decided it would be a good idea to put a starbursts in her pussy so he could eat it out, he claims he got it but a week later she went to the doctors with stomach pains and x-rays showed a starburts in her vagina...
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    Old 08-19-2009, 07:49 PM   #87
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by atrippingbillie View Post
    This reminds me, my friend was eating his girlfriend out, and they decided it would be a good idea to put a starbursts in her pussy so he could eat it out, he claims he got it but a week later she went to the doctors with stomach pains and x-rays showed a starburts in her vagina...
    i'm pretty sure that an x-ray can't see starbursts in a vagina.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 07:55 PM   #88
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by The Mango View Post
    i'm pretty sure that an x-ray can't see starbursts in a vagina.
    what the fuck do you know?
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    Old 08-19-2009, 07:57 PM   #89
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jake View Post
    I'm on a masterbation memory lane.... must've been the haiku's.


    I remember someone I knew, don't remember who or where, that caught her great-grandmother masterbating on the occasion of her 102nd birthday.

    the family heard moaning and thought she had fallen, went upstairs to investigate and found her on her bed, legs in the air and hands deep inside a crotch that saw action in the Harding admininstration.


    I am going to have nightmares tonight.
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    Old 08-19-2009, 07:58 PM   #90
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    Re: Have You Ever Got Caught Masturbating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by The Mango View Post
    i'm pretty sure that an x-ray can't see starbursts in a vagina.
    Well i'm not sure if it was an actual x-ray that found it but believe me, they did, and that girl is now the biggest joke at my school
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