Dating is miserable - Page 1697 - Antsmarching.org Forums - Dave Matthews Band Discussion
Old 03-14-2019, 11:51 AM   #50881
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Re: Dating is miserable

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheLastPig View Post
Do you mean home alone together with your ex or just your first night alone since breaking up?

First night alone without my ex
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  • Old 03-14-2019, 12:18 PM   #50882
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34 View Post
    First night alone without my ex
    Make a drink or two and watch a movie... or do what I do and smoke a bowl.

    Just focus on distracting yourself for a few weeks. Find some fun shit to do on the weekends, hang out with friends etc.
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    Old 03-14-2019, 01:20 PM   #50883
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Chin up TS#'s... warm weather and Red Sox games (and subsequent complaining about the bullpen) are right around the corner.

    If you need to find a way to occupy your time, find out where dmbsu#'s went.
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    Old 03-14-2019, 01:23 PM   #50884
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    Re: Dating is miserable

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    Chin up TS#'s... warm weather and Red Sox games (and subsequent complaining about the bullpen) are right around the corner.

    If you need to find a way to occupy your time, find out where dmbsu#'s went.
    That guy is binge poster. He'll be on these boards all day for like 4-6months and then fall off the face of the earth. I wonder if this hiatus has anything to do with Marcus Smart
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    Old 03-14-2019, 01:57 PM   #50885
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    just go find some butt gals on tinder

    in all seriousness, sorry to hear about your break up. if you need an ear, i am here.
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    Old 03-14-2019, 03:44 PM   #50886
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by pathetic View Post
    That guy is binge poster. He'll be on these boards all day for like 4-6months and then fall off the face of the earth. I wonder if this hiatus has anything to do with Marcus Smart
    probably
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    Old 03-16-2019, 02:23 PM   #50887
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by pathetic View Post
    damn man.. sorry to hear. what happened?

    Thank you everybody who has offered support, I'm still having a really really hard time but feel like opening up a little for whatever reason


    Our relationship had just gone past the two year point and she is my best friend which she also said herself to me today, great chemistry and we are complete goofballs together, there are so many things that are our things that I wouldn't have with anyone else. We had a few relationship firsts, going to The Gorge '18 was my first trip with a girlfriend, endless road trips and concerts, one of my biggest passions is golf and she has been my golfing partner. She would go above and beyond cooking dinners for me while I played music for her, we would cook together making my family dinner, helping me for hours with organization which is one of the things I struggle with the most. I'm in the middle of going from open mic world to paid gigs and she was at every live performance and was my biggest supporter, very hard worker with a good job, great sense of humor.

    We had the normal and manageable frustrations that most couples have which we could work through but the thing that changed the way I felt about the relationship was her dependency on alcohol, she owns it 100% and is actively seeking help which I'm proud of her for and she would do anything to change it. I felt like a rubber band that lost it's ability to bounce back from an accumulation of difficult nights. I feel like it would be so much easier if we broke up because we don't get along. When in control she is the girl I want to marry without question, it has been a very difficult week.

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    Old 03-16-2019, 02:32 PM   #50888
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    *meant to say she considers me her best friend
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    Old 03-17-2019, 07:45 AM   #50889
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34 View Post
    Thank you everybody who has offered support, I'm still having a really really hard time but feel like opening up a little for whatever reason


    Our relationship had just gone past the two year point and she is my best friend which she also said herself to me today, great chemistry and we are complete goofballs together, there are so many things that are our things that I wouldn't have with anyone else. We had a few relationship firsts, going to The Gorge '18 was my first trip with a girlfriend, endless road trips and concerts, one of my biggest passions is golf and she has been my golfing partner. She would go above and beyond cooking dinners for me while I played music for her, we would cook together making my family dinner, helping me for hours with organization which is one of the things I struggle with the most. I'm in the middle of going from open mic world to paid gigs and she was at every live performance and was my biggest supporter, very hard worker with a good job, great sense of humor.

    We had the normal and manageable frustrations that most couples have which we could work through but the thing that changed the way I felt about the relationship was her dependency on alcohol, she owns it 100% and is actively seeking help which I'm proud of her for and she would do anything to change it. I felt like a rubber band that lost it's ability to bounce back from an accumulation of difficult nights. I feel like it would be so much easier if we broke up because we don't get along. When in control she is the girl I want to marry without question, it has been a very difficult week.
    Since you say she 100% owns her problem and actively seeking help, is she regularly going to meetings?

    Having that support network of people who have gone through her own plight is definitely a big step. I can't truly speak from firsthand experience, but my mom has been in recovery since 2002, so I can definitely speak to some degree on how helpful it can be for people to find therapy through a group that shared the lived experience of their problem. And if you know someone else personally who is in recovery, it might be worth a try to set something up between them and your ex.
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    Something about power boosts with anal plugs didn't quite put it above Shawshank Redemption for me
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    Both movies do have anal, though.
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    Old 03-19-2019, 06:16 AM   #50890
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AlpineValley804 View Post
    Since you say she 100% owns her problem and actively seeking help, is she regularly going to meetings?

    Having that support network of people who have gone through her own plight is definitely a big step. I can't truly speak from firsthand experience, but my mom has been in recovery since 2002, so I can definitely speak to some degree on how helpful it can be for people to find therapy through a group that shared the lived experience of their problem. And if you know someone else personally who is in recovery, it might be worth a try to set something up between them and your ex.

    She has gone but now is going more consistently ... 2002 with no relapse?
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    Old 03-19-2019, 06:22 AM   #50891
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    sorry to hear TS. I'm sure it's a really tough time and based on your post i'm sure the last thing on your mind is dating.

    9 days til opening day. hopefully some 4.5hour red sox games can distract you
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    Old 03-19-2019, 12:31 PM   #50892
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Thanks Pathetic
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    Old 04-13-2019, 04:03 PM   #50893
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    welp, this thread hasn't been too active lately. i took a break from studying to reflect upon my previous posts in this thread

    just about one year ago today, i was away at a conference while my then relationship fell apart. parts of me still aren't right. i've changed alot, but in some aspects feel like i haven't at all. circumstances around me are different (no debt, more opportunity, decisions that can shape my coming decade).

    late 2018, i was challenged to go on dates with 100 different women. i'm not sure waht the point of hte exercise was, but i honestly think it was to numb me toward shitty people, which there are plenty in nyc. i think i'm at 82 to go or something like that. idk if i'll complete all 100 because that just seems tiresome. also, the past month and a half has had other priorities taking up my spare time, and life will always be full of other things to partition priorities

    idk what the point of this post was. i hope dating is treating others well. since the falling out of butt gal and the other gal, there's only been two women that i've gone on more than one date with. all the tech that i used to find fun, now just brings downtrodden feelings s for some reason, mirroring what i dont' like about social media.
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    Old 04-13-2019, 04:12 PM   #50894
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34 View Post
    She has gone but now is going more consistently ... 2002 with no relapse?
    Sorry for missing this post.

    No relapse since 2002. Though to be completely honest, I was 14 at the time and completely oblivious to the fact that she was an alcoholic until she told me. So there may have been times prior where she tried quitting and went back. Honestly have never had that conversation with her.
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    Something about power boosts with anal plugs didn't quite put it above Shawshank Redemption for me
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    Both movies do have anal, though.
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    Old 04-13-2019, 04:25 PM   #50895
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    100 dates? I don’t think I’ve even been on 100 first dates my whole lifetime.
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    Old 04-13-2019, 04:51 PM   #50896
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cry_minarets458 View Post
    welp, this thread hasn't been too active lately. i took a break from studying to reflect upon my previous posts in this thread

    just about one year ago today, i was away at a conference while my then relationship fell apart. parts of me still aren't right. i've changed alot, but in some aspects feel like i haven't at all. circumstances around me are different (no debt, more opportunity, decisions that can shape my coming decade).

    late 2018, i was challenged to go on dates with 100 different women. i'm not sure waht the point of hte exercise was, but i honestly think it was to numb me toward shitty people, which there are plenty in nyc. i think i'm at 82 to go or something like that. idk if i'll complete all 100 because that just seems tiresome. also, the past month and a half has had other priorities taking up my spare time, and life will always be full of other things to partition priorities

    idk what the point of this post was. i hope dating is treating others well. since the falling out of butt gal and the other gal, there's only been two women that i've gone on more than one date with. all the tech that i used to find fun, now just brings downtrodden feelings s for some reason, mirroring what i dont' like about social media.
    Personally, I think you should continue to focus far more on the other priorities than trying to hit the 100 dates with different women. Especially if those other priorities aren’t necessarily essential things for living, but rather active interests. Pursuing your other interests like volunteering for a cause you genuinely care about or getting involved in a regular recreational activity etc. will more likely surround you with like minded women and where you get genuine quality dating candidates instead of going for the quantity. Not saying you’re doing this, but perhaps even subconsciously, I would feel like I would be way more focused on the number I am on instead of actually making the effort to take genuine interest in the person. It’s not much different than picking up a book and putting all your thought into how many pages you’ve read instead of actually absorbing the story and building an emotional connection with the characters.

    I am in the same boat as you in regard to hating the tech, which I assume you’re referring to the dating apps. I am on the paid version of Bumble (and using it until the subscription I cancelled expires) and rarely get liked by a girl I am actually attracted to. There is actually for once an active match, but she has yet to message me. So we’ll see I guess.

    But I much prefer the old school way of finding people of interest in the real day to day life. I asked a girl out a couple weeks ago who works at a place I deliver dry cleaning to once a week. Unfortunately, she’s seeing somebody, but she turned me down incredibly graciously and our interactions since have remained friendly as ever and not the least bit awkward. Which only makes me want to date her more. Sigh.
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    Old 04-13-2019, 04:54 PM   #50897
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    100 dates with 100 different women in under a year? are you addicted to the novelty or something?
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    Old 04-13-2019, 04:56 PM   #50898
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AlpineValley804 View Post
    Personally, I think you should continue to focus far more on the other priorities than trying to hit the 100 dates with different women. Especially if those other priorities aren’t necessarily essential things for living, but rather active interests. Pursuing your other interests like volunteering for a cause you genuinely care about or getting involved in a regular recreational activity etc. will more likely surround you with like minded women and where you get genuine quality dating candidates instead of going for the quantity. Not saying you’re doing this, but perhaps even subconsciously, I would feel like I would be way more focused on the number I am on instead of actually making the effort to take genuine interest in the person. It’s not much different than picking up a book and putting all your thought into how many pages you’ve read instead of actually absorbing the story and building an emotional connection with the characters.

    i agree
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    Old 04-13-2019, 04:58 PM   #50899
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    That really is quite an insane number, especially if you have 82 to go, and we’re already nearly a third of the way into the year. So that’s about 3 dates a week to meet the goal.
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    Something about power boosts with anal plugs didn't quite put it above Shawshank Redemption for me
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    Both movies do have anal, though.
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    Old 04-13-2019, 05:06 PM   #50900
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    i dont think i ever mentioned it was 100 dates in a year, just rather 100 dates; not sure where youve pulled that from. i just said that i was challenged to that in late 2018. again, not entirely sure of the point, but i think a point of the exercise was just to have me slow down with each date per se and really reflect upon if its someone i wish to see again or not. IE, not pursuing something with intent until i've seen alot of whats out there
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    Old 04-13-2019, 05:54 PM   #50901
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    It just seems like an absurd number, that's all.
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    Old 04-13-2019, 11:49 PM   #50902
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    opinions needed: is it worth going on a date with someone who you just sort of feel "ehh" about?


    i've been hung up on a woman who turned me down for a few months now. she was the first one in a long time that i met and was actually really into and happy to be around. she won't even talk to me now, so there's nothing doing there and i need to shift my focus and stop thinking about her.


    i've tried bumble, tinder, etc and don't really get much out of them. matches tend to be few and far between and those i do match with i'm typically not really all that excited about. my matches tend to be obese and/or super nerdy, like the one who in her profile said she wants to debate which is the best star wars movie. i've never seen a single one of them and i'm into sports and i'm fairly athletic (albeit a bit underweight), so those matches do nothing to get my interest.



    a close friend of mine said i need to stop being so picky and give some of these women a chance. (she also said i need to get out "there" and meet women. i'm a non-alcoholic introvert, so idk where or how she expects me to meet anybody). i get what she's saying, but at the same time, if they're not what i'm looking for, it just seems like a waste of time. i've been pretty depressed for quite a while now and it makes it difficult to see the value in expending the energy (especially as an introvert) to go out on a date when its with someone who doesn't make me excited to be going out. i feel like if i'm not fully into it, then its not going to turn out that well anyway, so whats the point?


    is my judgement of the situation off? am i being stubborn and unreasonable? will going on dates with women i don't really have anything in common with or find all that attractive going to benefit me in some way? i just don't really know what to do anymore, so any advice is welcome.
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    Old 04-14-2019, 07:31 AM   #50903
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by spoot388 View Post
    opinions needed: is it worth going on a date with someone who you just sort of feel "ehh" about?


    i've been hung up on a woman who turned me down for a few months now. she was the first one in a long time that i met and was actually really into and happy to be around. she won't even talk to me now, so there's nothing doing there and i need to shift my focus and stop thinking about her.


    i've tried bumble, tinder, etc and don't really get much out of them. matches tend to be few and far between and those i do match with i'm typically not really all that excited about. my matches tend to be obese and/or super nerdy, like the one who in her profile said she wants to debate which is the best star wars movie. i've never seen a single one of them and i'm into sports and i'm fairly athletic (albeit a bit underweight), so those matches do nothing to get my interest.



    a close friend of mine said i need to stop being so picky and give some of these women a chance. (she also said i need to get out "there" and meet women. i'm a non-alcoholic introvert, so idk where or how she expects me to meet anybody). i get what she's saying, but at the same time, if they're not what i'm looking for, it just seems like a waste of time. i've been pretty depressed for quite a while now and it makes it difficult to see the value in expending the energy (especially as an introvert) to go out on a date when its with someone who doesn't make me excited to be going out. i feel like if i'm not fully into it, then its not going to turn out that well anyway, so whats the point?


    is my judgement of the situation off? am i being stubborn and unreasonable? will going on dates with women i don't really have anything in common with or find all that attractive going to benefit me in some way? i just don't really know what to do anymore, so any advice is welcome.
    Christ, I felt like I could have wrote this post almost verbatim.

    So clearly I am biased, but I don't think you're doing anything wrong by not bothering with these dates. If you're not attracted to the person, you're not attracted to them.

    But there's definitely ways for you to get out and meet people that doesn't require drinking. If you're in a fairly populated area, I would look at MeetUp and see what social groups are in your area - since you say you are athletic, you can probably find an active hiking group in your area. Also with warm weather around the corner, look into joining a sports league like volleyball, kickball, baseball or basketball, etc. Maybe a swim class. I think since you are an introvert, having that kind of activity where you have a shared goal with new people can probably help break out of your shell a bit without feeling horribly pressured to converse with the basic small talk and constantly trying to find something interesting to just talk about. This is personally why when I meet new people, I always immensely prefer partaking in some sort of game with them rather than just sitting down and talking - there are so many more natural conversation starters that take place throughout the duration of the game and you really get a sense of people's fun side. Plus, there's far more liberty to be "inappropriate" or hit on taboo subjects when you're under the cover of playing a fun game.

    All this to say is, you can still meet people you wouldn't be attracted to on a dating app, and possibly others you would be attracted to on there. But all without the immediate pressure of dating being at the forefront of your minds. And maybe once they get to know you, they would be more interested in dating you, as opposed to if they just your face with a thousand others on a swiping app.
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    Old 04-14-2019, 07:41 AM   #50904
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    There is nothing worse than going on those "meh" dates. I did that a ton last year and I just felt awful the whole time, between having to force conversation and then feeling guilty about saying I wasn't looking to keep going out, etc.

    Your friend is wrong, keep your standards.
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    Old 04-14-2019, 10:55 AM   #50905
    cry_minarets458
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    not worth going on dates just to go on dates.

    readers of thread: but, cm#s, you said you're slaying through 100 dates.

    cm#s: it doesn't mean i'm seeking the first 100 that come across my way; you can be picky about who and what you want to date. but if you're getting nothing or unhappy with what youre having an options, change something
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    In fairness Brian Wilson's Beard > Amy Winehouse & the grammys & spoot.
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    Old 04-14-2019, 03:25 PM   #50906
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AlpineValley804 View Post
    Sorry for missing this post.

    No relapse since 2002. Though to be completely honest, I was 14 at the time and completely oblivious to the fact that she was an alcoholic until she told me. So there may have been times prior where she tried quitting and went back. Honestly have never had that conversation with her.
    Ah no worries and that makes sense

    Dating in general is still the last thing I want to do, I don't really feel like I'm doing all that well in general but I've been putting more into the things I'm passionate about
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    Old 04-15-2019, 07:59 AM   #50907
    LillywhiteisGod
     
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    it's so hard to get a date with a non fat girl. I feel bad about it
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    Old 04-15-2019, 08:13 AM   #50908
    cry_minarets458
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    Re: Dating is miserable

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    it's so hard to get a date with a non fat girl. I feel bad about it
    are you fat?
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    In fairness Brian Wilson's Beard > Amy Winehouse & the grammys & spoot.
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    Old 04-15-2019, 08:24 AM   #50909
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    going on 3 months with this girl i've been seeing. She's not from the area and we both love beer so it's awesome being able to take her to all the breweries around here. We share a lot of the same interests including sports, but she was also really into the masters which was a pleasant surprise.
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    Old 04-15-2019, 09:16 AM   #50910
    LillywhiteisGod
     
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    i'm not fat i'm within the accepted range
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