Quote:
Originally Posted by spoot388
opinions needed: is it worth going on a date with someone who you just sort of feel "ehh" about?
i've been hung up on a woman who turned me down for a few months now. she was the first one in a long time that i met and was actually really into and happy to be around. she won't even talk to me now, so there's nothing doing there and i need to shift my focus and stop thinking about her.
i've tried bumble, tinder, etc and don't really get much out of them. matches tend to be few and far between and those i do match with i'm typically not really all that excited about. my matches tend to be obese and/or super nerdy, like the one who in her profile said she wants to debate which is the best star wars movie. i've never seen a single one of them and i'm into sports and i'm fairly athletic (albeit a bit underweight), so those matches do nothing to get my interest.
a close friend of mine said i need to stop being so picky and give some of these women a chance. (she also said i need to get out "there" and meet women. i'm a non-alcoholic introvert, so idk where or how she expects me to meet anybody). i get what she's saying, but at the same time, if they're not what i'm looking for, it just seems like a waste of time. i've been pretty depressed for quite a while now and it makes it difficult to see the value in expending the energy (especially as an introvert) to go out on a date when its with someone who doesn't make me excited to be going out. i feel like if i'm not fully into it, then its not going to turn out that well anyway, so whats the point?
is my judgement of the situation off? am i being stubborn and unreasonable? will going on dates with women i don't really have anything in common with or find all that attractive going to benefit me in some way? i just don't really know what to do anymore, so any advice is welcome.
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Christ, I felt like I could have wrote this post almost verbatim.
So clearly I am biased, but I don't think you're doing anything wrong by not bothering with these dates. If you're not attracted to the person, you're not attracted to them.
But there's definitely ways for you to get out and meet people that doesn't require drinking. If you're in a fairly populated area, I would look at MeetUp and see what social groups are in your area - since you say you are athletic, you can probably find an active hiking group in your area. Also with warm weather around the corner, look into joining a sports league like volleyball, kickball, baseball or basketball, etc. Maybe a swim class. I think since you are an introvert, having that kind of activity where you have a shared goal with new people can probably help break out of your shell a bit without feeling horribly pressured to converse with the basic small talk and constantly trying to find something interesting to just talk about. This is personally why when I meet new people, I always immensely prefer partaking in some sort of game with them rather than just sitting down and talking - there are so many more natural conversation starters that take place throughout the duration of the game and you really get a sense of people's fun side. Plus, there's far more liberty to be "inappropriate" or hit on taboo subjects when you're under the cover of playing a fun game.
All this to say is, you can still meet people you wouldn't be attracted to on a dating app, and possibly others you would be attracted to on there. But all without the immediate pressure of dating being at the forefront of your minds. And maybe once they get to know you, they would be more interested in dating you, as opposed to if they just your face with a thousand others on a swiping app.