By Jake Vigliotti
January 5, 2003
With the new year upon us, we have decided to give you, the DMB fan, a taste of what will and won't happen this coming year for DMB. Granted, with all probabilities, some things are more likely to happen than others. We have used our highly perceptive functions to present to you a humorous look at what might happen in 2003, and what probably won't happen.
What Will Happen... Fans will Bring Stop Signs (not necessarily real
ones) to shows in hopes of getting the band to "The Last Stop".
What Won't Happen... Fans will bring pillows to shows in hopes of getting the band to play "Sleep To Dream Her".
What Will Happen... Fans will complain that it takes tapers too long
to get their shows out to the masses
What Won't Happen... Tapers will bring computers, wireless hookups, and a bunch of other gadgets to shows so they can upload each song to an FTP as soon as the band is done playing it. (Fans still would complain)
What Will Happen... "I Did It" is slowly, mercifully eased out of setlists.
What Won't Happen... The B-52's style "I Did It" replaces it.
What Will Happen... Dave will defend Glen Ballard and his contributions
to the band.
What Won't Happen... Ballard returns the favor by re-writing #41, cutting it down to a radio friendly 3:27, and adding a chorus of "Number Fourty-One!! It's not Number Fourty, it's not Fourty-Two... Fourty One!!" (sing it over the La ta ta da da parts, you'll see it needs it)
What Will Happen... A fan chant will force the band to abandon the setlist
and play the 'chanted' song.
What Won't Happen... "Angel!! Angel!!"
What Will Happen... A surprise guest will rock and shock the crowd (see
What Won't Happen... Ladies and Gentlemen, Barry Manilow!
What Will Happen... The first and last shows of the year will be overhyped
and expected to be the greatest shows of the year.
What Won't Happen... They will be.
What Will Happen... The Longer Jam songs return.
What Won't Happen... Blue Water Baboon Farm is one of em.
What Will Happen... DMB ditches RCA.
What Won't Happen... Suge Knight dangles LeRoi over a hotel balcany until DMB signs with "The Row" (formerly Death Row)
What Will Happen... Little Thing Returns!
What Won't Happen... It's in Dreams Of Our Fathers
What Will Happen... On the Dave solo tour, someone, during a rare quiet
moment, yells out "Me and Julio!!"
What Won't Happen... An Irate Dave jumps into the crowd and beats the big voice guy over the skull with Paul Simon.
What Will Happen... Dave's country phase is replaced with a new genre.
What Won't Happen... "This is a little something by some friends of mine, they're called *Nsync." ~
What Will Happen... Fans will take turns coming up with the most nifty
name for the latest "New Soundcheck Song".
What Won't Happen... You ever hear the song live.
What Will Happen... The band continues to tinker the Everyday songs,
to the approval of fans.
What Won't Happen... To make Fool To Think listenable, they change its beat, words, and rhythm. And name.
What Will Happen... Tim Reynolds makes an appearance.
What Won't Happen... He arrives at each show via Spaceship (wait... that could happen...)
What Will Happen... There is a new studio album in 2003.
What Won't Happen... It's the leftover Lillywhite stuff and #40.
... and the Mortal Lock of the 2003 year...
What Will Happen... A group of young girls will scream "Crash!!" between
each and every song of a set.
What Won't Happen... DMB plays Crash 11 straight times just to shut them up.
There you have it, they're practically guaranteed (some restrictions apply).
~ What's really funny is the kids of *Nsync can't stand DMB. It's partially a record label thing, but they really hate DMB. Let that sink in for a second.
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