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Old 11-29-2016, 12:45 AM   #1
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What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

So, I have been doing a lot of life reflection. I have a daughter who is a year old and because of her, I have been really trying to look back at what shaped me as a person.

There have been many things that have deeply effected my life, but there is one that really hit me in a negative way. When I was about 6 or 7 or 8 (maybe all 3 years), I was sexually molested by my female housekeeper. There were a few instances I can vividly remember, but I don't need to go into detail.

Recently, it happened again. I was getting my eyebrows waxed (yes...laugh it up). A male waxer touched me inappropriately and rubbed himself up against me inappropriately. I just froze. I could do nothing. It took everything I had in me to run out of there.

I guess because of this incident, I really have been thinking a lot about life and the shit that happened to me. Although it was such a negative experience, I have learned a lot about myself and how I want to raise my children.

Honestly, I don't know why I am telling you guys this. I guess I feel like it's therapeutic for me to do this. I recently told my parents this and it was very life-changing.

Anyway, just thought I'd share. Maybe it will inspire you to share some stories as well
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  • Old 11-29-2016, 12:47 AM   #2
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    in 2007, i got two bullets through my gelled up bangs when six illegal alien elsalvadoreans attacked me with corona bottles and tried to kill me with my own pistol.

    i'm still here.

    Last edited by justink; 11-29-2016 at 12:50 AM.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 12:54 AM   #3
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Was cheated on by my fiancé which has since changed my ability to fully commit to anyone and obviously issues with trust.

    My brother was involved in an officer involved shooting that shook the small community we are from. He was cleared but days after someone burned down his house. He narrowly escaped, while luckily his wife and young boy were not home. We have a pretty big name in that community, multiple businesses that deal with the community every day. Our whole family lived in fear for many years. My brother still does.

    I still find myself looking over my shoulder from time to time, or have trouble sleeping, even though I live across the country now. The incident has left me riddled with anxiety among other issues.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 12:54 AM   #4
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    That's very brave of you to share, allowing yourself to be vulnerable ~ thank you.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 12:54 AM   #5
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by neumdogg View Post
    So, I have been doing a lot of life reflection. I have a daughter who is a year old and because of her, I have been really trying to look back at what shaped me as a person.

    There have been many things that have deeply effected my life, but there is one that really hit me in a negative way. When I was about 6 or 7 or 8 (maybe all 3 years), I was sexually molested by my female housekeeper. There were a few instances I can vividly remember, but I don't need to go into detail.

    Recently, it happened again. I was getting my eyebrows waxed (yes...laugh it up). A male waxer touched me inappropriately and rubbed himself up against me inappropriately. I just froze. I could do nothing. It took everything I had in me to run out of there.

    I guess because of this incident, I really have been thinking a lot about life and the shit that happened to me. Although it was such a negative experience, I have learned a lot about myself and how I want to raise my children.

    Honestly, I don't know why I am telling you guys this. I guess I feel like it's therapeutic for me to do this. I recently told my parents this and it was very life-changing.

    Anyway, just thought I'd share. Maybe it will inspire you to share some stories as well

    no facetiousness... that's brave of you man. i'm proud of you. getting shit out IS therapeutic.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 12:57 AM   #6
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Neum that's terrible!
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:00 AM   #7
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Good on your for sharing, OP. Talking about stuff can really help bring those buried feelings out and accept what happened to help you move on.

    About 6 months about I really began to come to terms with how my mother neglected me. My parents divorced when I was only about 2-3 and I split time with them until I was in about 8th grade. My mother would carry on her life as if I wasnt there, even when I was. Everything she did was for herself. She is a gold digging POS, she stabbed my step dad (they havent been together for years either) in the arm with a knife and nearly severed his artery, she ran up his credit card bills etc, just an all around shitty person. Ive seen her bounce around to different men for their money, one who was even in prison himself. She treated my younger brother the same way she did to me and I will never forgive her for it. More for doing it to him after she did it to me than doing it to me directly. She tries to parachute into my life now and then and act like she gives a fuck, but I try not to respond to her anymore. She got married last year and never even mentioned to me when the wedding was (I was aware she was engaged), and I only found out because I randomly looked up her facebook page. She is married to some guy that owns a real estate company down in SC or NC, just another poor sap getting sucked in because she is pretty. Luckily I have a great father and step mother who raised me, and my (former) step-father is a great dad to my brother, but I really buried all those emotions/memories and never really grasped what I went through until recently.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:01 AM   #8
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    I just fully realized I was molested as a child. It dawned on me the reason I would walk around in dress slips as a four year old and roam from neighbors house to neighbors house was because my "uncle bill" had me dress up that way for him. I got kicked out of one kids house for playing doctor with him. I had no idea what I was doing. Heart breaking but true. :0/
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:03 AM   #9
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by neumdogg View Post
    So, I have been doing a lot of life reflection. I have a daughter who is a year old and because of her, I have been really trying to look back at what shaped me as a person.

    There have been many things that have deeply effected my life, but there is one that really hit me in a negative way. When I was about 6 or 7 or 8 (maybe all 3 years), I was sexually molested by my female housekeeper. There were a few instances I can vividly remember, but I don't need to go into detail.

    Recently, it happened again. I was getting my eyebrows waxed (yes...laugh it up). A male waxer touched me inappropriately and rubbed himself up against me inappropriately. I just froze. I could do nothing. It took everything I had in me to run out of there.

    I guess because of this incident, I really have been thinking a lot about life and the shit that happened to me. Although it was such a negative experience, I have learned a lot about myself and how I want to raise my children.

    Honestly, I don't know why I am telling you guys this. I guess I feel like it's therapeutic for me to do this. I recently told my parents this and it was very life-changing.

    Anyway, just thought I'd share. Maybe it will inspire you to share some stories as well
    hopefully sharing makes you feel better. But damn that really is terrible. Sorry man

    I'm lucky enough to not have any traumatic event happen in my life. Unless grandparents dying is one. But they were ole and it was expected
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:04 AM   #10
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by justink View Post
    in 2007, i got two bullets through my gelled up bangs when six illegal alien elsalvadoreans attacked me with corona bottles and tried to kill me with my own pistol.

    i'm still here.
    Holy fuck man. I am not even sure how I'd deal with that.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:06 AM   #11
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dreamingrace View Post
    That's very brave of you to share, allowing yourself to be vulnerable ~ thank you.
    Thanks man. I am 36 years old and I am only now able to really talk about it.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by justink View Post
    no facetiousness... that's brave of you man. i'm proud of you. getting shit out IS therapeutic.
    So true. I am a proponent of therapy. It has definitely helped.

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    Neum that's terrible!
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:08 AM   #12
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Quote:
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    Holy fuck man. I am not even sure how I'd deal with that.
    i drink mostly.

    and try to enlighten people on things.

    i kid. but mostly, i live life through my son. i make his life as best as i can. that's my relief.

    Last edited by justink; 11-29-2016 at 01:12 AM.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:09 AM   #13
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dreamingrace View Post
    I just fully realized I was molested as a child. It dawned on me the reason I would walk around in dress slips as a four year old and roam from neighbors house to neighbors house was because my "uncle bill" had me dress up that way for him. I got kicked out of one kids house for playing doctor with him. I had no idea what I was doing. Heart breaking but true. :0/
    It's crazy how we suppress these memories. But I am glad you are coming to terms with it. It shapes us as people and that does not necessarily have to be a bad thing.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:09 AM   #14
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

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    Originally Posted by tyler3440 View Post
    hopefully sharing makes you feel better. But damn that really is terrible. Sorry man

    I'm lucky enough to not have any traumatic event happen in my life. Unless grandparents dying is one. But they were ole and it was expected
    That's ok. You have or will have friends who deal with this shit. You just need to be supportive.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:19 AM   #15
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

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    That's ok. You have or will have friends who deal with this shit. You just need to be supportive.
    I knew a family who's kid recently died in a car wreck on the 4th of July. I had known the kid and family since I was like 3 I can't imagine what that family had to deal with. I'm so glad and thankful I haven't had to deal with loosing a family member (besides grandparents) if I lost my family I wouldn't know what to do or how to move on. I'm so thankful that I haven't had to deal with any real tragedy yet. I'm so so very thankful.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:25 AM   #16
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

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    I knew a family who's kid recently died in a car wreck on the 4th of July. I had known the kid and family since I was like 3 I can't imagine what that family had to deal with. I'm so glad and thankful I haven't had to deal with loosing a family member (besides grandparents) if I lost my family I wouldn't know what to do or how to move on. I'm so thankful that I haven't had to deal with any real tragedy yet. I'm so so very thankful.
    My cousin passed away in a car accident in 2012, unfortunately my uncle has all but completely lost his mind in the aftermath. He claims he sees demons etc and struggles to function day to day. He had issues with pills earlier in his life but he has spiraled out of control in recent years. Its sad.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:25 AM   #17
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    My father passed away way too young. Pretty sure that caused me to lose whatever little faith I had. I started drinking heavily right after his death so that I could pass out and sleep better, hopefully, to have dreams about him. Couldn't think right, had to withdrawal from school, started putting on a little extra weight from the drinking, didn't want to be sober at all, etc. Super depressed and shit. At one point, I was drinking a pint of bourbon, then riding my bicycle to the store to by tall boys. Still upset that my future children will never get to know first hand how much or great guy he was. Anyway, I was doing pretty shitty and went and saw a Broadway production of The Lion King. I shit you not, that live performance of 'He Lives In You" changed my life. Great performance and message and I started getting my shit back together. Started trying in school again, found an outlet and changed my major to something that I love. Started do little things that he liked that have ended up bettering myself, the community, and kinda carry on the legacy he left. I still struggle with alcoholism(no, fuckers, I dont carry guns when I'm drunk, I'm sure you were wondering) and probably have had less than 30 days since October of '15 where I haven't consumed alcohol, but, while I used to get just absolutely hammered shitty drunk 7 days a week, I now get drunk probably once a week and only shitty drunk on holidays. Not good, but better.

    Cliffs: go see Lion King
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:32 AM   #18
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

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    My cousin passed away in a car accident in 2012, unfortunately my uncle has all but completely lost his mind in the aftermath. He claims he sees demons etc and struggles to function day to day. He had issues with pills earlier in his life but he has spiraled out of control in recent years. Its sad.
    That's such a bummer. I'm so sorry. It's so hard to know how to help. Everyone is different, everyone's needs are different. My nephew had a similar life to you growing up and it's absolutely shaped his life. Unfortunately both fathers in his life were dead beats.. I want to help but the dysfunction is really high to the point of verbal abuse. it's hard to know how to help.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:37 AM   #19
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    well this may not be completely fitting for this thread, but if we're letting it all out in here, i can't resist.

    Lately i've had a hard time dealing with all people in my life that have passed away in the last 2-3 years, most recently one of my oldest childhood friends. He moved to California suddenly without saying much, and i didn't think twice about it as both of us had fantasized about making the move since graduating college. Last year i decided to start planning my move, and one of the things i had talked about was visiting him in Cali before backtracking to Colorado (where i currently live). About a week before i was supposed to move i found out that he had a heart attack and passed away (really unusual at 26 but he was a heavy dude). I put my trip on hold go to the funeral, spend time with his family, and grieve a little bit. During the time i spent with his family, i found out that he moved to California to get treatment for bi-polar disorder. During all the years that we hung out like brothers, he never mentioned anything to me about it, but looking back the signs were there. I don't know why i feel this way, and I know the reason he didn't make it public was because he hadn't yet gotten the help that was eventually available to him in California, but i just feel i could have offered help, or anything, i don't know. Like most of the time when you lose somebody, there are no goodbyes. The last thing i said to him was nonsense, and i wish more than anything in the world i could have said something meaningful instead.

    i try to make it a goal of mine now to have at least one meaningful conversation with someone i love each day, just in case...

    Last edited by Useliteski; 11-29-2016 at 01:39 AM.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:40 AM   #20
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Quote:
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    well this may not be completely fitting for this thread, but if we're letting it all out in here, i can't resist.

    Lately i've had a hard time dealing with all people in my life that have passed away in the last 2-3 years, most recently one of my oldest childhood friends. He moved to California suddenly without saying much, and i didn't think twice about it as both of us had fantasized about making the move since graduating college. Last year i decided to start planning my move, and one of the things i had talked about was visiting him in Cali before backtracking to Colorado (where i currently live). About a week before i was supposed to move i found out that he had a heart attack and passed away (really unusual at 26 but he was a heavy dude). I put my trip on hold go to the funeral, spend time with his family, and grieve a little bit. During the time i spent with his family, i found out that he moved to California to get treatment for bi-polar disorder. During all the years that we hung out like brothers, he never mentioned anything to me about it, but looking back the signs were there. I don't know why i feel this way, and I know the reason he didn't make it public was because he hadn't yet gotten the help that was eventually available to him in California, but i just feel i could have offered help, or anything, i don't know. Like most of the time when you lose somebody, there are no goodbyes. The last thing i said to him was nonsense, and i wish more than anything in the world i could have said something meaningful instead.

    i try to make it a goal of mine now to have at least one meaningful conversation with someone i love each day, just in case...
    sounds like he od'd on heroin and the family called it a "heart attack".
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:44 AM   #21
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

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    Originally Posted by jcc522 View Post
    My father passed away way too young. Pretty sure that caused me to lose whatever little faith I had. I started drinking heavily right after his death so that I could pass out and sleep better, hopefully, to have dreams about him. Couldn't think right, had to withdrawal from school, started putting on a little extra weight from the drinking, didn't want to be sober at all, etc. Super depressed and shit. At one point, I was drinking a pint of bourbon, then riding my bicycle to the store to by tall boys. Still upset that my future children will never get to know first hand how much or great guy he was. Anyway, I was doing pretty shitty and went and saw a Broadway production of The Lion King. I shit you not, that live performance of 'He Lives In You" changed my life. Great performance and message and I started getting my shit back together. Started trying in school again, found an outlet and changed my major to something that I love. Started do little things that he liked that have ended up bettering myself, the community, and kinda carry on the legacy he left. I still struggle with alcoholism(no, fuckers, I dont carry guns when I'm drunk, I'm sure you were wondering) and probably have had less than 30 days since October of '15 where I haven't consumed alcohol, but, while I used to get just absolutely hammered shitty drunk 7 days a week, I now get drunk probably once a week and only shitty drunk on holidays. Not good, but better.

    Cliffs: go see Lion King
    I hear ya man. My wife's father passed away 2 years ago and our child will never meet him. It's so incredibly hard for my wife.

    PS: Loved the Lion King.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:44 AM   #22
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

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    That's such a bummer. I'm so sorry. It's so hard to know how to help. Everyone is different, everyone's needs are different. My nephew had a similar life to you growing up and it's absolutely shaped his life. Unfortunately both fathers in his life were dead beats.. I want to help but the dysfunction is really high to the point of verbal abuse. it's hard to know how to help.
    Yeah I didnt know how much it affected me until really just in the last year. I saw how detached I was even from my dad/step-mom and sisters on that side and I look back and feel bad as to how much I shut myself off to them for a long time, but I know its from the way my mother treated me. I isolated myself and replaced my "family" in a sense with close friends/girlfriends. I dont blame anyone for how I grew up because I was in a much better situation than it could have been, but I regret things I did and the way I treated my actual family to this day. My fiancee has helped me come to grips with a lot of it and I am working on being closer with my dad/step-mom.

    Everyone deals with things differently like you said. I just wish I couldve come to these realizations years ago.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:46 AM   #23
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

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    i try to make it a goal of mine now to have at least one meaningful conversation with someone i love each day, just in case...
    Just in case...

    A good reminder ~ thank you.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:49 AM   #24
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    My fiancee's mom passed away from ovarian cancer when she was just eleven. I see the pain in her often in quiet moments or when she wants to be alone. Its hard for me to find the right words to comfort her, and even when I feel like I do get through, theres still a layer that can never be soothed. I will never know what that pain is like, I just do my best every day to make her smile and be happy.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:50 AM   #25
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    Everyone deals with things differently like you said. I just wish I couldve come to these realizations years ago.
    I think it's amazing that you are this self realized. Your fiancée sounds wonderful. So nice to have someone you can trust to lean on to for guidance and support.

    Trust is a big one I'm working through now as well.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:52 AM   #26
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    I think it's amazing that you are this self realized. Your fiancée sounds wonderful. So nice to have someone you can trust to lean on to for guidance and support.

    Trust is a big one I'm working through now as well.
    Thanks. Its still a major working process though, I have just been able to come to grips with what went on, and Im thankful for that. I still dont fully enjoy spending time with my family the way most people do, but I am adjusting and its getting alot better.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:53 AM   #27
    dreamingrace
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TheLastPig View Post
    My fiancee's mom passed away from ovarian cancer when she was just eleven. I see the pain in her often in quiet moments or when she wants to be alone. Its hard for me to find the right words to comfort her, and even when I feel like I do get through, theres still a layer that can never be soothed. I will never know what that pain is like, I just do my best every day to make her smile and be happy.
    That's so sweet. Strange how sometimes words don't really work. Just having a shoulder to lean on and someone to hold works wonders. You are a good man.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 01:56 AM   #28
    tyler3440
     
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TheLastPig View Post
    My fiancee's mom passed away from ovarian cancer when she was just eleven. I see the pain in her often in quiet moments or when she wants to be alone. Its hard for me to find the right words to comfort her, and even when I feel like I do get through, theres still a layer that can never be soothed. I will never know what that pain is like, I just do my best every day to make her smile and be happy.
    Yeah man, just keep on doing what you are already doing. Thats really all you can do. It's really hard to understand the pain unless you have gone through the pain.
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    Last edited by tyler3440; 11-29-2016 at 01:58 AM.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 02:00 AM   #29
    Useliteski
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dreamingrace View Post
    Just in case...

    A good reminder ~ thank you.
    if i can inspire at least one person to do that, i'm fulfilled. thank YOU.
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    Old 11-29-2016, 05:41 AM   #30
    bartender_man
     
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    Re: What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

    Suicide of my brother changed my life forever.

    Serious battle with addiction where I ended up in rehab

    Serious kidney disease for three years


    *However, I have a job I love, a roof over my head and food on the table. My life is good at this present moment compared to some past times.
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