People who use "I'm a lawyer," or "My [insert somewhat tenuous extended family/friend reference here, such as third cousin's girlfriend once removed] is a lawyer or cop as a threat.
This morning I got a call from a "debt collector," at 7:30am. Let's start with this tidbit: A law called the FDCPA prohibits calling people this early without permission from them. I was rudely awakened. I've been paying some outstanding debt down lately and cleaning up my credit, which has suddenly made the dinosaurs come out of hibernation. After pointing out its illegal to call me this early, he lays out a debt from 1997 that I supposedly owe.
I owed like $44 to a music CD club (you know, like BMG, 10 CDs for the price of one, etc.). The funny thing is, it's me, you got me. Wasn't aware that I owed money to them, I didn't think they keep sending you CDs if you don't pay them. And then he says, "I'm an attorney and my co-workers are police officers, and there are serious consequences for not paying this immediately."
I take a long breath, then, "If you're a fucking lawyer, you're a shitty one. You're way outside the statute of limitations, your debt is legally unenforceable in the state giving rise to the transaction, and if you had given any thought or actually looked at my credit report you'd know that I was 15 at the time and legally unable to enter into a contract because I was a minor, therefore, your attempt to collect a debt fails as a matter of law on several levels. Also, I don't actually owe this debt, you're probably a shady fly-by-night extortion scheme. Go kill yourself and fuck your garbage dispenser so it eats your dick so you can't reproduce, you are the weakest link, goodbye." He then says I'm going to be arrested for threatening him. So, I'm like, "Let me educate you on the definition of a threat...nothing said here even remotely constitutes an illegal threat except you illegally threatening to have me arrested. Fuck off." I hung up. So that's how my day started.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ExistenceNow
It only gets worse, my young friend.
Wait til your 30's and you're on day 2 of the same hangover.
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This is why I rarely get drunk anymore. I destroyed enough of my liver and kidneys in my younger years.