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Old 04-10-2010, 03:52 PM   #151
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Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheTallOne View Post
Dude, what the fuck?
wrong thread?
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  • Old 04-10-2010, 03:54 PM   #152
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    I come in here, looking for some good clean fun, and I get that. You should be ashamed.
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    Old 04-10-2010, 04:00 PM   #153
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    This better

    Why are there no good restaurants on the moon?

    Click the "Show Spoiler" Button to reveal hidden text.
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    I don't mean to interrupt you future magistrates and noblemen, but l, uh, I need a word.

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    Old 04-10-2010, 04:14 PM   #154
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by k270 View Post
    Not sure if this is correct, but I think it goes something like this:


    How do do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?


    A: You take the "s" out of safe and the "f" out of way.
    It still doesn't make any sense to me. There isn't an "f" or "n" in way. And what does it have to do with an elephant?
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    Both movies do have anal, though.
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    Old 04-10-2010, 04:20 PM   #155
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AlpineValley804 View Post
    It still doesn't make any sense to me. There isn't an "f" or "n" in way. And what does it have to do with an elephant?
    I'm pretty sure you're saying the punch line when you say there is no f in way
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    Old 04-10-2010, 04:30 PM   #156
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    one day, as i was walking through the woods, i stumbled upon a skeleton.

    needless to say, my initial reaction was to be terrified, but once i calmed down, i called the police to report what i had found.

    as i waited for the cops to arrive, i wondered to myself: who was the person? and why were they wearing deer antlers?
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    - props to the kind dudes selling the tomato grill cheese in the lot, yo!
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    Old 04-10-2010, 04:30 PM   #157
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    there's a lot of when in this thread.
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    Originally Posted by BothePrinceFan View Post
    That was the most Un-Cubs thing ever.
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    Old 04-10-2010, 04:37 PM   #158
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    pirate walks into a bar.

    he's got an eyepatch, a hook for a hand, and a steering wheel as his belt buckle.

    bartender says, "man, i bet you've got some stories to tell. what's with the eyepatch?"

    pirates says "we was overtakin a ship ya see, and one of them piss poor excuses for pirates shot me eye out!"

    bartender: "and the hook?"

    pirate: "yaaaarg, same day me hand was cut off in the midst of a nasty sword fight, matey!"

    bartender says, "i guess that all makes sense considering you're a pirate, but i don't get the steering wheel..."

    pirate responds, "me neither, but it's drivin me nuts!"
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chevman View Post
    - props to the kind dudes selling the tomato grill cheese in the lot, yo!
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    Old 04-11-2010, 12:23 AM   #159
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AlpineValley804 View Post
    It still doesn't make any sense to me. There isn't an "f" or "n" in way. And what does it have to do with an elephant?
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CrashTheStone41 View Post
    I'm pretty sure you're saying the punch line when you say there is no f in way
    You would be correct CrashTheStone. There's no F in way you could fit an Elephant in a Safeway bag.
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    Old 04-11-2010, 07:07 AM   #160
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CrashTheStone41 View Post
    I'm pretty sure you're saying the punch line when you say there is no f in way
    haha i get it now
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    Old 05-25-2010, 06:06 PM   #161
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    I just saw a nihilist get hit by a car. I tried to warn him it was coming but

    Click the "Show Spoiler" Button to reveal hidden text.
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    Old 10-22-2014, 01:17 PM   #162
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ExistenceNow View Post
    Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
    Came to post this.
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    Old 10-22-2014, 01:55 PM   #163
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Dave and Jim had been best friends for 80 years and loved baseball. Every year they'd go down to Florida together to watch Spring Training.

    One year they're watching a game and Dave says, "Jim, do you think there's baseball in heaven?"

    Jim says, "Sure hope so, but we'll never know till we're dead."

    So they decide to make a pact that whoever dies first has to come back as a ghost and tell the other if there's baseball in heaven. That night, Dave has a heartattack and passes away.

    The next year, Jim decides not to break tradition and heads down to Florida for Spring Training. In the 3rd inning of the first game he goes to he hears a voice, "Jim! Hey Jim!"

    "Dave is that you?"

    "Sure is. Listen Jim I got good news and I got bad news. Good news is there is baseball in heaven! We play three games a week!"

    "What's the bad news?"


    "You're pitching on Friday."
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    Old 10-22-2014, 02:00 PM   #164
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    iso: TheTallOne
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    Old 10-22-2014, 02:05 PM   #165
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
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    Old 10-22-2014, 02:05 PM   #166
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"
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    Old 10-22-2014, 03:18 PM   #167
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    i miss the offensive joke thread
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    Old 10-22-2014, 09:43 PM   #168
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mr. testaverde View Post
    i miss the offensive joke thread
    I miss it to
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    Quote:
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    Dodgers suck.
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    Old 10-22-2014, 10:51 PM   #169
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mr. testaverde View Post
    i miss the offensive joke thread
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by K270 View Post
    I miss it to
    3rd



    88888
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    Old 10-23-2014, 05:21 AM   #170
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    I'm sure these would be considered offensive but they're not too bad I don't think.

    Was at the bar the other night and saw this unattractive girl sitting by herself. I walked up to her and asked "Do you have a pen?" She got real excited and exclaimed, "Yes! Yes I do!". So I replied "well you better get back to it then before the farmer knows you're missing."


    I was taking a walk near a wooded area the other day. I noticed something up ahead so I went to investigate. It was a beat up suitcase and lying inside were 4 baby foxes. I immediately got out my cellphone and called the local ASPCA. When the lady answered the phone I said "Yes, I've just found a suitcase with 4 baby foxes by the side of the road!" She was stunned for a moment "Oh my, that's so sad. Are they moving?" I said "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase".
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    Old 10-23-2014, 05:39 AM   #171
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mr. testaverde View Post
    i miss the offensive joke thread

    what happened to it? it was the OFFENSIVE jokes thread. you knew what you were walking into when you opened that thread. how far over the top did it have to get to be locked?
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    Old 10-23-2014, 08:24 AM   #172
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mr. testaverde View Post
    i miss the offensive joke thread
    I know I went to bump it yesterday and realized it was locked so had to bump this garbage
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    Old 10-23-2014, 08:43 AM   #173
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SqueeBaBooSquee View Post
    I know I went to bump it yesterday and realized it was locked so had to bump this garbage
    Do you have an offensive joke to tell? PM me if you need to get it out.
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    Old 10-23-2014, 09:06 AM   #174
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    What did the frog order at McDonalds?

    Click the "Show Spoiler" Button to reveal hidden text.
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    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 10-23-2014, 09:06 AM   #175
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Why did the bird go see a doctor?

    Click the "Show Spoiler" Button to reveal hidden text.
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    Originally Posted by Rebecca De Mornay View Post
    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 10-23-2014, 09:08 AM   #176
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    I need to eat more laffy taffys.
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    I think Steve and I are complete opposites
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    Old 10-23-2014, 09:14 AM   #177
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DaveHead36 View Post
    Was at the bar the other night and saw this unattractive girl sitting by herself. I walked up to her and asked "Do you have a pen?" She got real excited and exclaimed, "Yes! Yes I do!". So I replied "well you better get back to it then before the farmer knows you're missing."
    you shouldn't make fun of pigs
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    Old 10-23-2014, 09:18 AM   #178
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by YouNeverKnow25 View Post
    you shouldn't make fun of pigs
    witness!~
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    Wow guys, I wasn't at this show, but just listened to your Halloween. Damn, raw AF! I bet it was incredible live, Timmys outro was bad-ass!!!! Gotta listen to the rest of this show, setlist is on point.
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    Old 10-23-2014, 11:42 AM   #179
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    The Offensive Joke thread was the hardest I ever laughed in my life from reading text. Best thread on this site. It was literally 20 pages of hysterically dirty/offensive/vulgar joke. RIP OJT 4/15/13
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    You're just as terrible a person as Toysoldier is.
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    Old 10-23-2014, 11:43 AM   #180
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    Re: Spinoff: Unoffensive Joke Thread

    Howard Stern gets a hard on, walks into a door, and breaks his nose.

    F Jackie
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bigeyedfish8807 View Post
    Do you two do ANYTHING else in life besides jerk each other in your mom’s basement in between posting on Ants fucking Marching??
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    Originally Posted by Antiramie View Post
    You're just as terrible a person as Toysoldier is.
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