I'm sure these would be considered offensive but they're not too bad I don't think.
Was at the bar the other night and saw this unattractive girl sitting by herself. I walked up to her and asked "Do you have a pen?" She got real excited and exclaimed, "Yes! Yes I do!". So I replied "well you better get back to it then before the farmer knows you're missing."
I was taking a walk near a wooded area the other day. I noticed something up ahead so I went to investigate. It was a beat up suitcase and lying inside were 4 baby foxes. I immediately got out my cellphone and called the local ASPCA. When the lady answered the phone I said "Yes, I've just found a suitcase with 4 baby foxes by the side of the road!" She was stunned for a moment "Oh my, that's so sad. Are they moving?" I said "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase".