Your Thoughts on Suicide

[Carbon Copy]

Originally Posted by jimibadfish

A lady I knew from church growing up shot and killed herself in the parking lot of Carterville Baptist Church in Petal, MS Sunday morning during the service. She was a little person with a teenage son. Apparently she had gotten into some terrible financial troubles and felt there was nothing that could be done. She had reached out to some of the members of the church, but was not extended a helping hand. She went to church Sunday morning, and sat through half of the service before leaving the sanctuary to go end her life in her car. Sad story.

Would Jesus have helped the lady with her financial troubles?

This story embodies what has become of the word of Jesus amongst many predominantly white, Southern Protestant churches. The symbolism has overcome the message to a point where a devote but destitute lady who rarely missed a service whether it be Sunday morning, night or Wednesday night is ignored to the point of absolute helplessness.

I'm not trying to saddle the church with the full responsibility for her death for she certainly took matters into her own hands. But the conditions necessary for an incident like this penetrate nearly every nuance of our society. Our jobs and more specifically our income have become our identity as humans and our mortgages and credit only self imposed shackles that bind us to this imbecilic identity.

"Look at me in my fancy car
And my bank account
Oh, how I wish I could take it all down
Into my grave, Lord knows I'd save and save
Take a look again.
Take a look again
at those things you have collected
In the end it all piles up so tall
To one big nothing.
Nothing at all.

Forget about the reasons and
The treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that
Our emotions can be swept away
Forget about being guilty,
We are innocent instead
For soon we will all find our lives swept away"

one of my best friends from purdue killed himself sunday. im not sure what happened. he was working for shell oil in New orleans . i talked to him a couple weeks ago and everything seemed fine.

[ji/\/\ithing]

meh, i can understand why some people consider it. i thought about it for a few months in high school. anyone who actually attempts/accomplishes it is terribly selfish though. basically the only thing that prevented me from doing it was the thought of what it would put my family and friends through.

[dre2142]

I think its selfish

[smudge1]

Originally Posted by dre2142

I think its selfish

it is. I tried it several times. Held my breath as long as I could. Didn't work.

[mcwyffe]

as far as i am concerned, who are we to tell someone what do to with their life?

btw, tags are horrible

[haybale97]

Originally Posted by mcwyffe

as far as i am concerned, who are we to tell someone what do to with their life?

btw, tags are horrible

as long as the dont harm anybody else imo its all gravy

but then we get to the question, is the emotional pain of the people left behind harmful enough to violate this idea? case by case basis.

[mcwyffe]

Originally Posted by haybale97

as long as the dont harm anybody else imo its all gravy

but then we get to the question, is the emotional pain of the people left behind harmful enough to violate this idea? case by case basis.

so its ok for a homeless guys with no emotional ties to kill himself?

[haybale97]

Originally Posted by mcwyffe

so its ok for a homeless guys with no emotional ties to kill himself?

like you said, who am i to judge/tell him what to do with his life. he could have some shit like some kind of disease or chronic pain or something. suicide is a case by case thing for me. i'm not at all religous so thats why i'm so loose with it

for example, if a father of three little kid kills himself b/c he lost his job... thats wrong
if a man who has terminal cancer with no chance of surviving, just suffering, suicide imo is alright.

[turbo895]

Like what i always say, "Life sucks, but death doesnt fix it"

[BotheLaneFan]

I find it very...I don't want to say relieving, but calming in a way thinking about doing it. Because usually when i think about doing it, I think about the people that care about me and whatnot and that makes me feel a bit better.

I've tried hanging myself a couple times. One when I was 15, the other was a few months ago. Glad neither time worked out...sometimes.

[justinandimcool]

Hey yall. I'm depressed and I need help tonight. I figure Ants is the only place for me to reach out to this time of evening. So a response would be much appreciated.

[mcwyffe]

are you ok?

[Sou1 So1di3r]

Originally Posted by justinandimcool

Hey yall. I'm depressed and I need help tonight. I figure Ants is the only place for me to reach out to this time of evening. So a response would be much appreciated.

yo bro hows it going

[Sou1 So1di3r]

happy thoughts:

http://www.mediafire.com/?22j2hgyimt1

[Sou1 So1di3r]

A few weeks ago a 12 year old boy from my church hung himself in his room while his dad was downstairs. His dad was the drummer for our praise band. They had apparently had a fight because the son got a bad grade in school.

Seriously. Fucked up.

[justinandimcool]

I'm alright.

I just hate myself.

I mean, I don't know how to describe it. I live my daytime normally. Hell, I went out with some friends today and I had a god damn blast of a time.

But for the past month or so it's been hard falling asleep. I dwell on my life, mostly its failures. I hate my body, the way I look, think, act...I hate how my musical career hasn't gotten anywhere, I hate how lonely I am at community college, how my friendships aren't where I want them to be.

Most of all I hate how whiny I sound, knowing I have it 100 times better than most. I'm ashamed not being able to make use of my blessings. I guess that's the best way to describe me. Useless. Like a shiny bright beautiful red car with no engine. Fantastic. Not.

I don't really want to die. It's just hard getting through the night without thinking about how much better and more productive this town would be without me.

[Sou1 So1di3r]

Originally Posted by justinandimcool

I'm alright.

I just hate myself.

I mean, I don't know how to describe it. I live my daytime normally. Hell, I went out with some friends today and I had a god damn blast of a time.

But for the past month or so it's been hard falling asleep. I dwell on my life, mostly its failures. I hate my body, the way I look, think, act...I hate how my musical career hasn't gotten anywhere, I hate how lonely I am at community college, how my friendships aren't where I want them to be.

Most of all I hate how whiny I sound, knowing I have it 100 times better than most. I'm ashamed not being able to make use of my blessings. I guess that's the best way to describe me. Useless. Like a shiny bright beautiful red car with no engine. Fantastic. Not.

I don't really want to die. It's just hard getting through the night without thinking about how much better and more productive this town would be without me.

Really man? Comon, you know better than that. You know that is not true so don't even think like that.

[justinandimcool]

I appreciate the response from you guys though. I just needed to vent and let this out to dry. I need a wake up call.

I mean, it's not like I'm not trying.

I'm dieting and working out like crazy, and I've lost ten pounds and certainly counting. I've been working on my music non stop while attaining fantastic grades. But it all seems so futile.

[justinandimcool]

Originally Posted by Sou1 So1di3r

Really man? Comon, you know better than that. You know that is not true so don't even think like that.

I don't know. It really does go away, in the daytime. But why does it keep on coming back? Should I just beat myself unconscious at night to stop thinking these thoughts?

[Sou1 So1di3r]

Originally Posted by justinandimcool

I appreciate the response from you guys though. I just needed to vent and let this out to dry. I need a wake up call.

I mean, it's not like I'm not trying.

I'm dieting and working out like crazy, and I've lost ten pounds and certainly counting. I've been working on my music non stop while attaining fantastic grades. But it all seems so futile.

Why? That's great that you are losing weight! Gotta start somewhere. I am going to be hitting up the gym starting tomorrow when I get back to school for spring term. What music are you working on? I am a computer science student but also play in the jazz band at school, hopefully gonna grab a jazz studies minor.

[Sou1 So1di3r]

Originally Posted by justinandimcool

I don't know. It really does go away, in the daytime. But why does it keep on coming back? Should I just beat myself unconscious at night to stop thinking these thoughts?

Beat yourself? Now that's a little crazy talk I think Listen to some tunes to put you in a happy place. Start with the track I put a few posts up. Seriously man, noone would ever want you to hurt yourself, and hell I don't even know you.

[seekup41nancies]

Originally Posted by justinandimcool

I appreciate the response from you guys though. I just needed to vent and let this out to dry. I need a wake up call.

I mean, it's not like I'm not trying.

I'm dieting and working out like crazy, and I've lost ten pounds and certainly counting. I've been working on my music non stop while attaining fantastic grades. But it all seems so futile.

Keep working on the dream man, it will get better for ya Congrats on the 10lbs and keep it up

[justinandimcool]

Originally Posted by Sou1 So1di3r

Why? That's great that you are losing weight! Gotta start somewhere. I am going to be hitting up the gym starting tomorrow when I get back to school for spring term. What music are you working on? I am a computer science student but also play in the jazz band at school, hopefully gonna grab a jazz studies minor.

That's cool, really. I've always wanted to play jazz. I've been working on a lot of pop/rock lately though. Very DMB influenced but mostly others. Hope to get some songs made soon and shows to follow, but I've had that plan for years and never accomplished much. Perfectionist syndrome hinders progress I guess.

I think a lot of my self animosity is triggered by a show I went to the other week. Some kids from my high school played in front of a huge crowd at some club and did a phenomenal job. All I could think of the whole time was not to be happy for them, but to be in a jealous rage wondering why I can't make music as fabulous as them...they're everything I want to be and I can't be them.

[justinandimcool]

Originally Posted by Sou1 So1di3r

Beat yourself? Now that's a little crazy talk I think Listen to some tunes to put you in a happy place. Start with the track I put a few posts up. Seriously man, noone would ever want you to hurt yourself, and hell I don't even know you.

I know, I've been talking crazy all night. Thanks for the track.

I honestly don't know if I'm in the most sane of moods, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. I think I'm stuck in this mood all night and need some way to talk it out after two weeks or so of dealing with it. I don't want this to be a permanent illness.

[thestand]

Originally Posted by justinandimcool

I'm alright.

I just hate myself.

I mean, I don't know how to describe it. I live my daytime normally. Hell, I went out with some friends today and I had a god damn blast of a time.

But for the past month or so it's been hard falling asleep. I dwell on my life, mostly its failures. I hate my body, the way I look, think, act...I hate how my musical career hasn't gotten anywhere, I hate how lonely I am at community college, how my friendships aren't where I want them to be.

Most of all I hate how whiny I sound, knowing I have it 100 times better than most. I'm ashamed not being able to make use of my blessings. I guess that's the best way to describe me. Useless. Like a shiny bright beautiful red car with no engine. Fantastic. Not.

I don't really want to die. It's just hard getting through the night without thinking about how much better and more productive this town would be without me.

From someone who had severe depression for a long time (and technically, I still do): there's a lot of warning signs in here, man. It might sound stupid and unnecessary, but you might want to see a professional. Just have a chat. Someone completely outside of your regular zone of life. Trust me, since you kind of sound like I did a few months ago right now: after 5 minutes, you know it's the right thing.

But from personal experience, what you described is definitely the beginning of some possibly serious depression. Some of my happiest days ended with me lying in bed feeling worthless. Also suicidal. It's definitely in your best interest to just go and talk to someone. Not even any more than that, if you don't want to.

[mcwyffe]

Originally Posted by justinandimcool

I know, I've been talking crazy all night. Thanks for the track.

I honestly don't know if I'm in the most sane of moods, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. I think I'm stuck in this mood all night and need some way to talk it out after two weeks or so of dealing with it. I don't want this to be a permanent illness.

i listen to an album night to put me to sleep. i love it so much, its so chill. its by a guy named buckethead. hes weird, but he plays things so nicely. the album is called colma. its so relaxing.

[Sou1 So1di3r]

Originally Posted by justinandimcool

That's cool, really. I've always wanted to play jazz. I've been working on a lot of pop/rock lately though. Very DMB influenced but mostly others. Hope to get some songs made soon and shows to follow, but I've had that plan for years and never accomplished much. Perfectionist syndrome hinders progress I guess.

I think a lot of my self animosity is triggered by a show I went to the other week. Some kids from my high school played in front of a huge crowd at some club and did a phenomenal job. All I could think of the whole time was not to be happy for them, but to be in a jealous rage wondering why I can't make music as fabulous as them...they're everything I want to be and I can't be them.

Well you can't let that slow you down. Perfect example, some of my best friends have been in a band since we were in 8th grade. We are all freshman/sophmores in college now and they are still doing their thing, but have not had that break through yet. I think they rock, and so do they, it's just hard to get your name out there. But if they just gave up, that wouldn't get them anywhere. You can't just let it get the better of you. Stick it to the man!

[thestand]

Originally Posted by Sou1 So1di3r

Beat yourself? Now that's a little crazy talk I think.

I didn't only think that, I would do it when I was at my worst. Laying in bed, having random memories of situations that should've been good that I feel I fucked up, and actually just hitting myself out of anger. Completely sober, just very, very depressed.

[Elliott Evans]

Sometimes not much consolation, but:

R.E.M. says, "Everybody hurts...so hold on."

And Tom Waits says, "But when you're falling behind in this big blue world, oh you've gotta hold on."

Great, comforting songs.

[Sou1 So1di3r]

Originally Posted by mcwyffe

i listen to an album night to put me to sleep. i love it so much, its so chill. its by a guy named buckethead. hes weird, but he plays things so nicely. the album is called colma. its so relaxing.

buckethead? ha! I'm gonna see him at summercamp!